


John Dorian's Final Realization

by Otakiot



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Gaslighting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, No Slash, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Repressed Memories, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-06-10 11:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15290334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otakiot/pseuds/Otakiot
Summary: Bear with the first chapter and you will find yourself watching as John Dorian copes with his life: past, present, and future. An unwanted relationship, an unhappy mentor and a certain someone from his childhood makes a sudden reappearance in his life at the worst of times.This story is dark and largely unpleasant so if you are sensitive to things like that or anything mentioned in the tags, please do not read.{Set in Season 6 with minor references interlaced}*Chapter 15 now available!!***Sorry for 2 month hiatus. School is out now and chapters will release on schedule once again or ahead of schedule**





	1. My Life Going Down the Drain

        Ever since LaVerne’s funeral, everyone had come to realize something about themselves, good or bad. Cox had realized his love for being the hospital’s backbone. Carla discovered the leader inside her and even Ted found the strength to stand up and fight even if no one knew he had.

        JD on the other hand had a more dismal realization. It had started with his lack of game with the ladies before engulfing his charisma with his patients. Even with his friends he seemed both more needy than usual emotion-wise and more distant. But the final piece to the long forming puzzle was his daydreaming. Lately all of his fantasies have had one common factor, his demise. One day he had dreamt of being electrocuted to death by a robot and the next day it was of his own funeral and murder at the hands of his superior. Not to mention today’s zone off which had begun with Turk deciding he needed every lawn gnome known to man and ended with one through his heart.

        He had come to realize that, he, John Dorian, was absolutely shit in every aspect of his life. Not _the_  shit, but good ol’ fashion, stuck-on-your-shoe-and-smeared-across-half-your-house’s-floors kinda shit that you really just want to scrap off and pretend never existed. And he also came to realize that his friends all felt the same about him.

        Now it wasn’t a sudden smack in the face sort of realization but rather one that eased up on him slowly until it’s roots had burrowed into every aspect of his life. Possesing his every thought and action.

        He meandered about the hospital and despite the thoughts broiling just beneath the surface, he still continued his usual rounds. ‘I know you’re like... His second best friend or something but I was wondering if you could talk to Turk?’ The Todd had pleaded. He hadn’t meant it badly, he just needed advice on their friend and had no one else. But that didn’t stop it from hurting. The words rang in his mind as he tried to reply. Second bestfriend or something… Second.. Was he really in second place with the person he was closest to in the world? His Chocolate-Bear? He didn’t want to believe it. Couldn’t. He had tried to improvise during his panic for a little while before realizing it was a lost cause and ended the conversation with a shrug. It had been over a day since that conversation and he began to notice the signs that the Todd had. The distance. The disconcern. The disgust in his friend’s eyes and it tore him apart.

        Instead of letting himself obsess over why and how he let this happen, he decided to turn to his other friend for comfort, Elliot. Her boyfriend was out for a few days which meant this was the perfect time to bond, talk and vent about life.

        Unfortunately that’s when her sorority sister, Melody appeared. And everything went downhill from there. He had spurred a fight between the two out of jealousy that only managed to get him in trouble and by the time they made up and he and Melody seemed to start getting along, it happened. Keith had returned and proposed. Melody cheered, Elliot squealed with her fiancee and JD watched with a soft smile. Look at them all, moving on with their lives. She too would now be so busy with wedding plans and her own relationship that she’d be too sidetracked to uphold her promise mere moments before.

        He was the first to leave. He smiled at the cooing lovebirds and nodded in acknowledgement at Melody and then was out the door.  Dorian was tired and his bed sounded better and better every second.

        The ride home was a lonely one.


	2. My Overly-Conscious Conscience

‘What am I doing here?’ Dorian wondered as he laid in the darkness of his bedroom.  _Their_   bedroom he corrected. Kim had been thrown back into his life a week ago when he had found her very much pregnant while on vacation with Turk.

Pregnant. She was pregnant with his son. Sam Perry Gilligan Dorian. And he still struggled to comprehend it.

When he had seen the grey and black video feed of Sam adjusting deep within Kim’s body he had felt a spark come to life as it had those many months ago. He felt longing to hold his baby, felt the shriveled and beaten remains of his heart swell and pour out for this small person he had never even met and for the first time in a long time, he fell the smallest little bit of true joy. But now, as Kim’s thin arms trapped him under the covers alongside her, he just felt sick.

‘Pull it together, Dorian. You knew this wouldn’t be easy but he will never have to deal with the hell of divorced parents. The arguing, the guilt, the shame, none of it. It’s not all about you anymore.’ He felt the judgemental stare of his conscience bore into the back of his head. He didn’t dare look over, instead he looked at the rise and fall of Kim’s chest and tried not to puke on her.

“Oh god…” JD forced the arms around him to release him and rushed to the bathroom. He fell to his knees at the toilet and retched out what little his stomach could scrounge up. “I can’t do it- I can’t-!” He sobbed, tears beginning to streak down his face. In the distance he heard the now-familiar snore of his… Girlfriend.. His breathes came out harsher now, each breath more painful and less productive than the last.

“I can’t... I will be a worse father than my own. He will hate me. I don’t even want to be near his mother. I will ruin him...” Dorian confessed to the toilet bowl. “I will try not to, but I will.”

He remembered earlier when Kim had stood at the end of their bed with only the finest of lingerie on and had crawled up the bed. He and her had had sex then, but despite finally breaking his dry spell after so long and making the woman on top of him smile, he felt dirty after. How could he go and have sex with her just because she was the mother to his unborn child? When he felt nothing toward her like that anymore? When he held nothing but pain and disgust for her? A memory suddenly flashed into mind and he found himself vomiting once more.

‘You can’t divorce her… You can’t ditch the kid.. And you still are ungrateful with everything… So what are you going to do?’ His conscience asked, crossing its arms in disapproval.

“I-I- don’t know… Help me please…” He begged, rubbing salt water and stomach acid from his face. His conscience tilted its mascoted head before shaking it. The fat, jumpsuited body of his old coach walked out the door with a ruffle of his hair.

‘You know I can’t do that. You have to figure out your own shit the right way.’ The eyes of the rabbit mask bored into his. He shivered. ‘Don’t forget it, JD.’ Then Dorian was back in reality watching the whirlpool drain away into the porcelain depths below. He splashed water over his face and headed back to bed, well aware it would be another sleepless night.

000

Everyone seemed more pleased with him now that he had allowed Kim back into his life. Unlike him, they all seemed to think of him as being less of a piece of crap and more as a new, respectable father-to-be. And for most of the gossipers in the hospital it was all they could talk about.

“Look at them, so cute.”

“When is the baby due?”

“Soon, I hear. When do you think they will finally tie the knot? Y’know it’s inevitable.”

“Everyone does. I’d give it a month, maybe two after the baby is born, max.”

“Hmm... Yeah, I could see that. Could you hand me the chart behind you, please?”

It was one of many conversations he overheard as he walked Sacred Heart’s Halls. Getting married that soon? To Kim? He felt the nausea return from earlier. He needed to find a way out of this and soon.

‘The right way.’ The voice of his conscience brought a slight tremor of panic to his hands and arms as it reminded him.

“The right way. Always..” He wrapped his arms around himself and stuffed his clenched fists under his armpits to hid their trembling and the clip of his clipboard pressed painfully into his sternum. He didn’t mind the pain though, it seemed to ground him a little.

“What are you rambling about this time, Tisha? You and your girlfriend mix up each other’s bras again?” The room began to sway. Dorian froze mid-step and steadied himself. He felt another wave of a fainting spell from his good friend Mr.Vasovagal-Syncope (or the stress-faints) drag down at his every fiber. “Newbie? Are you ignoring me now?” He managed to dispel the wave and without any other option he could think of, he ran.  He ran down the halls of Sacred Heart as quickly as his wobbly, but long legs could manage and twisted on his heel when he found his way to the vending machines. He leaned heavily on the machines, trying to catch him breath.

‘Maybe eating will help me think. It has been a little while.’ JD figured and slid a few coins into the machine.

“JD!” He jumped. “Woah, woah! Easy man.” Turk laughed. “It’s been forever since you and I talked, how’re things with the lady?” Dorian realized he wasn't as hungry as he thought.

G1. A pack of rolos twisted out of the metal rings and fell to the bottom shaft. He quickly snatched it out and handed it to his friend with a wide grin plastered on his face.

“Let’s just say me and her.. We are never bored.” He smirked suggestively, which awarded him with his friend’s proud whoops and a fist bump.

“THAT’S my boy!” He hollered, wrapping an arm around his neck. “Good for you man! Good for you!” After a few more celebratory yells Turk had to go to meet up with Cox for a consult, finally leaving JD alone with his thoughts.

“Ah… Chocolate Bear. I’m glad you will be Sam’s godfather…” He ignored the slightly irritating cramping in his stomach and tried to focus. “Now, how the hell am I going to-” And as if an answer from the heavens, a new patient’s gurney was thrust down the hall by unobservant paramedics and slammed directly into him. Fortunately, he had the luck to fall back against the vending machines and out of the way as they continued down the hall without even a glance his way. Unfortunately, he felt as if he had cracked something. “D-damn…. "


	3. My Stolen Patient

It wasn’t too bad, he decided as he hobbled about the hospital. After his own self-examination, he realized that -seeing as it was a stable fracture and in no way an immediate threat to his health- he had gotten off once again lucky. He didn’t know why but he felt as if he needed  to have that patient. There was something about them that felt.. Felt like it would be the answer to it all.

“Hey, JD!” He glanced over at his caller. It was the Todd. The man gave him a quick glance over and a thumbs up. “Letting your lady experiment I see! The Todd approves!” Dorian rolled his eyes and limped to the nurses station.

“Oh my God, JD! What happened to you?”

“Wha- Oh that? That’s nothing, just twisted my ankle a little earlier on some water the janitor missed, I’m good.” Carla’s motherly eyes scrutinized his.

“You really have to be more careful, Bambi.”

“I will. And hey, Carla?” She looked up from the files she was organizing. “Could I get the patient file for room 213?”

“Why? He’s Elliot’s patient.”

“She wanted another perspective on his case. And anyway she is busy right now.” He nodded towards the two fiances who were all but eating each other. Carla gave him a suspicious look before deciding it really didn’t matter for a case like this.

“Fine. Have fun, just know you won’t really get anywhere without  a psych consult.” He took the folder, attached it to his clipboard and slid into the patient’s room.

It was a college student who didn’t seem interested in much of anything around him or Dorian for that matter. “Jeremy Strand?”

“Present.” Two empty brown eyes met his.

“How do you feel?”

“Still pretty shitty, but hey who wouldn’t after getting their stomach pumped?” He laughed dryly. JD looked down at his chart , “attempted suicide by overdose. Patient is unable to say what medications he took.”

“Irve down the hall. He has no stomach, just throat and intestines now after his weight problem became too severe. You should see the things he can swallow now. I once saw him swallow an entire, life-size rubber snake and pull it out like it was nothing. It was disgusting but… Marvelous.” He gazed off lost in the memory before Jeremy’s laughter brought him back. There was still a tiredness in his eyes and a crease in his brow but there was still something amazing about seeing this stranger burst out into a very much real and contagious smile. JD’s lips pulled up as well and he found himself chuckling.

“You’re one weird-ass, Doctor.”

“I get that alot.” He sat on the chair next to the hospital bed.

“You look tired, Dr.Doctor.” The 23 year old smiled. “I’m a biology major so I can understand. Sleep a little while, I’ll keep an eye out for your fellows. Scout's honor.” The man raised three fingers in the boy scout pledge. He was about to reject his offer and go about his useless meanderings but he could sense the young man’s desperation for company and he complied.

“Thanks, it’s been one hell of a day.” He settled himself a little before giving Jeremy a meaningful look. “By the way, don’t try anything while I am out. I have nothing of use on me and there is a nurse perched right outside the door. It would literally just be a waste of your time. You should turn on channel 12 instead, they are playing a marathon of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.”

Strand chuckled at his concern but nodded. “Fine, fine. If you wish it to be, it shall be done.” JD smirked and closed his eyes, soothed by the sounds of yells and clashing swords.

“JD!”

“Yes!” He jolted up in the hospital chair and nearly fell over.

“Come with me a second.” Elliot was looming over him with her arms crossed and a sense of urgency about her.

“ ‘kay.” He rubbed the bleariness from his eyes and stood up. Only to be gracefully reminded of his earlier injury as the pain nearly sent him back into his seat if not for the bed railing in front of him.

“Smooth.” Jeremy looked a little less pale now which was good, he could only imagine what he looked like. JD shot him an accusing glance.

“You were supposed to wake me up.” He grumbled.

The boy raised his hands up as much as his IV would allow. “I tried! You were out like a light.”

“... Fair enough. For now. I’ve got my eye on you.” He joked before limping out of the patient’s room.

“What the frick, JD?!”

“Sorry, Elliot I haven’t gotten a lot of sle-” She cut him off with a frantic wave of her hand.

“Not that! How the frick did you get him to talk to you and the nurses said they heard him laughing?! I had been trying all day!”

“Probably my smooth charisma and-

“Definitely not that. I will figure it out how later, until then he’s your patient.” She shoved the file into his hands and pushed him back inside. “My shift ended ten minutes ago and me and Keith have a dinner reserved with our caterer in.. 13 minutes! Frick! Thank you, goodnight, JD!”

“Goodnight, Elliot!” He called after her speedy form.

        “So you are my doctor now?”

        “Seems so.” He eased himself back into the chair like a geriatric patient. Jeremy seemed to consider this a second before collapsing against his pillow.

        “Cool.”

        “Hm.”

        “So, Dr.Doctor. Do you have any plans for tonight or do you want to finish the marathon with me?”

        “Nope, let’s do this!"


	4. My Mentor's Anger

       “Delilah!”

        “Sorry, busy!” He ducked into Jeremy’s room as Cox dove for him. The angry, curly-haired doctor flung the door open only to find Dorian lifting a dirty bedpan. “Can Mr.Strand have some privacy please?!” Jeremy stared at him in horror and Perry flung the door behind him as he quickly stepped back out, angry and caught off guard.

        Once the coast was clear JD put the actually clean bedpan on the floor and fist-bumped his favorite patient. “Thanks for that, I’ve been avoiding him a bit.”

        “What for?”

        “Owe him some money.” He lied smoothly. It was true to a point, he still owed him the twenty bucks from a bet he lost but that wasn’t likely why Cox was chasing after him now and definitely not why he was running. Something about Cox just felt like he could read between the lines in his lies and find the truth beneath if he looked long enough and right now that fact scared the hell out of him. He had too much on his mind that he wanted to keep private for now. “While I am in here, how are you doing?”

        The young man’s eyes darkened slightly. “N-not great to be honest with you. But, a little better.”

        “A little bit or any amount of bit is fantastic in my book. If you need anything at all have a nurse page me and I will be by as soon as I can. I will just be checking on my other patients.”

        “Alright, thank you.”

        “No problem, see you in a little bit.” He eased the door open and closed it behind him as he limped out into the hall. Before he could take a second step a hand grabbed him by the sleeve of his scrubs and threw him against the wall.

        “Loraine… I don’t appreciate being ignored and I re-HE-ally don’t like when I have to babysit your patients because you disappeared for two hours!”

        “I’m sorry I-” His hands began to shake again.

        “I don’t want to hear excuses! No, “But my ankle hurts!” or “I feel sad because my ex is getting married!” None of it! So cut the crap or I will talk to Kelso and have you suspended until you get your shit together! Do you understand?!” JD couldn’t hear him though, he was lost in another daydream. One much more confusing and painful than his usual ones. He broke out of his trance with a gasp and a few beads of sweat on his forehead. ‘What the hell was tha- “Do.You. Understand?!” The other man’s booming voice was filled with rage and annoyance and it was beginning to hurt his ears.

        “Yes! Yes, sir!” Cox released him with a disgusted sneer and stomped away. Dorian was about to go back into Jeremy’s room when he heard a whistle.

        “Hey, dumbass! Your shift ended an hour ago. Go home. You have a pregnant woman at home waiting for you and it is not going to be a pleasant reunion if you don’t hurry your ass up!”

        “O-okay.”

        “G-G-Go!” He mocked him. JD ignored the pain that tore through him as he jogged out the hall and the front hospital doors.

        “Fuck me…” He groaned as he saw his beloved Sasha. Most days he would be excited to ride along on her, but with his hip and where he was heading off to made him look at her in a new light. Cox was right. This wasn’t going to be pleasant.

000

  
        “Oh, JD…. Yes.. Yes!” Dorian lay flat on his back as Kim cried out. His hands were on her waist and he was trying to remain silent as he could feel every bounce upon his injured hip break it further. If it weren’t for the light being off, she likely would have noticed his cringing face or badly bruised side but they were off and he suffered in silence. Then as he felt another soft creak of his bones being pressed down and Kim laying herself on top of him as her lips explored his, everything seemed to change.

        ‘Oh...JD.. Yes, just like that! Yes!” He felt someone else upon him, their fingers intertwining painfully in his hair. His breathing hitched as he pain in his abdomen grew worse and worse.

“Please-... Please stop it..! He begged struggling to get away. “Please!”  
        “JD? JD? What’s wrong?” His eyes refocused and it was no longer the stranger but Kim once more. She was next to him now, stroking his face. “JD?”

“I-... Sorry I don’t know what happened... Maybe I’m just getting sick or something. It’s nothing you did.” He pulled his pajamas back up just as the light came on. His eyes closed and he grimaced at the sudden brightness.

“You may be right, honey. You’re all sweaty.” Kim wiped her hand across his forehead before lingering a second. “And you’re a little hot too.”

“Maybe it’d be best if we don’t share a bed for a little while, just so I don’t get Sam and you sick.” Kim squeezed his hand in reassurance before nodding.

“Yeah, that’d probably be best. Thank you.” He grabbed a blanket off the floor and his pillow before managing to walk relatively normally out the door. “Love you!”

“You too!” He called back before settling into the lumpy cushions of his couch.

-

“101 degrees, Newbie… Are you really that dumb that you’d risk your patients’ lives just for a few extra hours?! Really?!” He smacked him in the ear with the thermometer making JD wince and grab his ear.

“I-”

“I don't’ want to-

“Listen to me! Please.” He was fed up with being ignored and bombarded with accusations all the time. He wanted someone to actually care about what he had to say for once. Cox’s eyes narrowed but he stayed silent. “I’m not sick.”

“Like hell you’r-”

“I’m not. Look.” He flushed a little as he lower the side of his pants to reveal his injured hip. “I’ve been meaning to get some painkillers at the store or something but I haven’t gotten the chance yet. Now can I go?” He asked tiredly after easing his scrubs back over his waist.

Cox pinched the bridge of his nose. “You really are stupid. Wait here.” The older doctor slid out of the observation room. Now was JD’s chance. He gave it a minute or so before he slunk out of the room the opposite way and limped quickly to  the room just next door. It’d be the last place his superior would check.

“Goddamnit, Veronica!” He heard Cox yell angrily next door before stomping down the hall determined to hunt him down.

 

000

 

Time to check up on his measles patient, James Ruben. He was 8 years old and not doing too well from what he last heard. Carla suspected he had developed pneumonia as well which worried him. JD nearly screamed he was so startled when an arm curled around his neck and jerked him backwards right as his fingers grazed the door to pediatrics.

  
        He squirmed and fought against his captor to no avail. The voice behind him chuckled. “You really are weaker than you look. Blond doctor was right.” Janitor seemed amused by his pitiful escape attempts. “You have a bounty you know? Curley said he’d give me 30 bucks if I caught you.”

        “Let go!” He was sweating with exertion now as he reached out to grab something- anything that’d give him some sort of upperhand.. To his horror, there was nothing to grab. “Sh-shii-it…” He felt the familiar pull of another fainting spell. Any time he pushed himself too hard nowadays, his mind and body gave up on him and gave out. Sometimes on the toilet, other times when moving heaving furniture, or this time when he is trying to escape from his kidnapper. His vision doubled up on him suddenly and he began to feel sick. Despite his attempts not to, the vile acid pour over his lips and onto the Janitor's jumpsuit.

        

        “Aw common! Dammit, Dorian!” He released the doctor who stumbled into a nearby wall. “I just got this cleaned!” JD didn’t respond though because the spell finally had consumed him and he was passed out on the linoleum. “He better still give me my thirty bucks…”


	5. My Decision

  
         **Smack!**

  
        “Ow!” Dorian opened him hazy eyes to find himself sitting in a wheelchair in the middle of the nurses station. “What the hell is-” Another smack. It felt different though this time, more gentle. He hissed and covered his cheeks to prevent further attacks. First Cox, then Carla, why was everyone pissed at him? And were the smacks really necessary?

        “What happened to your hip?” Perry demanded.

        “Bumped it.”

        “Bullshit. Speak or we will strip you down in the middle of this hospital here and now and have Todd give you a full work up.” The man in question who happened to be walking by at that exact moment gave him an eager head nod. JD swallowed nervously.

        “Fine. I got hit with a gurney by a couple paramedics when grabbing a snack at the vending machine. "

        “After I left?” Turk asked, his eyes sad. He nodded. “I can’t believe I missed that! It would have been hilarious!” Carla seemed to be struggling to keep her composure as Cox was bent over in loud guffaws.

        JD glowered at the floor, he felt his face warm in both anger and embarrassment. A friendly hand clapped him on the shoulder. “C’mon man its a little funny. Plus you should be alright. It looked like it was just a fracture, nothing serious. As long as you stay in that chair for the next couple weeks you should be fine. And before you overreact, yes, I did check your hip and no it wasn’t here. It was in one of the rooms.”

        JD glanced over at the Todd warily. “By myself as well.”

        “If by yourself you mean with me and Lurk present, then yes. Only your lover saw you naked.” Cox rolled his eyes. JD tried not to think about it and wheeled in a slow circle before looking at them again.

        “Where are my clothes?”

        “Burned.” The Janitor chimed in, how long had he been there listening in?

        “I will go see if anyone has any spare clothes in your size.”

        “Thanks, Turk.”

        It would be another half hour before he finally managed to check back in with Strand, fully-clothed now. “You look better.”

        “You look worse.”

        “Gee thanks.” He laughed. “ I have been meaning to ask, Jeremy. Is there anyone you want us to call? Friends, family, teachers?” The twenty year old fiddled with his thin blanket and avoided his eyes. That was answer was enough for him so he changed the subject. “Hey look at this, I learned how to do wheelies.” JD leaned back in the seat and tilted the wheel chair until the front wheels were in the air. He wobbled about the bed confidently until one wheel caught on a wire and sent him careening backwards. “AAAH! Oof!... That... -was very painful.” He was stuck on his back to the left of the hospital bed now, legs in the air and unable to do much more than lay there until a nurse helped him up.

“Hey, Dr.Doctor. Could I tell you something like… Off the record?” JD twisted is head to the side to look at him.

“Of course.”

“I-.. I did something… Y’know to myself.. And that’s how I got here in the first place.” JD’s eyes widened, he already knew this of course but it was the first time the man admitted it, which was a big first step.

“Why? Why did you do it, I mean?”

“That seems to be the thousand dollar question… I am not really sure.” He stretched out his tan arms with wires and tubes dangling off, before flopping them on his legs. “ It was a lot of things really. My grades dropped and my teachers threatened to kick me out of their classes, my girlfriend backstabbed me, and some other shit that just accumulated up over time. The main kicker though, was when I realized that what remained of my family and peers that knew I existed wouldn’t even notice if I was gone. Which has been proved by the last couple days… And that in some cases, my death would actually be a positive thing.” Jeremy gave him an odd look before covering his face with a hand. “Ah… Never mind, that sounds dumb doesn’t it..?”

“No.. No, it doesn’t I get it.” That’s when it hit him. He finally knew what he had to do.

‘Die.’ His conscience breathed into his ear.

“I do. Now, could you push the call button. I really need to get going, my shift ended a few minutes ago and I need to go help someone after work.”

“Alright,” He pressed the button and one of the newer nurse ran in. “Oh, not me. He’s the one who needs help.” Jeremy explained as JD smiled sheepishly at her from the floor. The nurse sighed and hauled him back to an upright position before running off with one last glance thrown the patient’s way. “She doesn’t seem to like you much.”

“Doesn’t seem so.” He sighed. “Goodnight, Jeremy. I will see you in the morning.”

“See you then.” JD rolled out into the hall before realizing his dilemma. There was no way he could ride Sasha in this thing and everyone else would be gone. Dorian was wheeled to the front of the hospital and began to try to stand when two hands shoved him painfully back down.

“Don’t, I got you a ride.” Cox muttered. “Ronnie!” The urse jogged over to his side. “Go drag Cinderella here to the shuttle, and stay with her until she arrives at her house so she doesn’t try to escape.”

“I don’t need to ride the shuttle, come on, Perry! I will do anything!” He begged as he was shoved forwards.

“Sorry, I can’t hear idiots!”

The ride home was miserable. Only the homeless and terminal geriatric patients rode the shuttles. None of which had a nurse babysitting them. The older riders eyed him and sneered at the wheelchair-bound doctor. Some even going as far as to “accidentally” bump into him on their way out or stepped on his feet. Nurse Ronnie was either too tired to notice or didn’t care, he couldn’t be sure.

“Thanks.” He said to his traveling companion who merely tilted her head at him in acknowledgment before leaving. “Kim? Kim, I don’t have my keys. Please let me in!” He yelled. He heard the distant creaking of boards and then the latch of door release.

“Oh my god! What happened?!”

“Seems I cracked my hip the other day, they want me to stay in the chair a while though.” She gave him a worried look.

“Do you need help getting in?” He shook his head. There was no way he was going to make his pregnant girlfriend drag him around. That’s what he was supposed to do. She stepped to the side to make room as he pulled past her and rolled into their living room. “I ordered a pizza a little while ago, I didn’t know when you’d be home.”

“Sounds good. It’s getting late, if you want to stay up with me you can but if not we will have a lot of time to spend time together tomorrow.”

“I really am getting tired… Sorry, JD.” He shook his head at her and managed a smile.

“Don’t be, go. I have to do some paperwork anyways.”

“Thanks.” She kissed him fiercely for a moment before saying goodnight.

He wasn’t alone long though, his conscience was there with him. Watching his every move. JD dragged out his laptop and began to write.

‘The kid needs a father.’

“He’ll have one. A better one than I ever could be. Turk is his godfather.”

‘What about money? A home?’

“They can stay here, I’ve paid the rent off already for almost the next year and Kelso won’t be a problem if I ask for Kim’s job back tomorrow. Plus they will both get coverage according to this site. Even if I were to.. Go.”

“That’s not even considering all the shakingness in Elliot and Keiths’ relationship and the distance between everyone. My death will be enough to drag them together and then ultimately… They will barely remember me, if they do at all.” He smiled.

‘What if Sam asks questions..?’

“I am making a couple letters just for that very reason. I thought about doing videos but he’d probably be disappointed if he saw..” He motioned over his body. “This. I don't exactly look like the Dad anybody would be proud to call their own.”

‘I always did like that  though…’ The voice of his conscience changed and it was suddenly behind him. Unwanted images flashed to mind.

“Why am I remembering that now..? I haven’t… I didn’t ever want to.. Not again.” His mouth had gone dry and the moisture seemed to be collecting in his eyes instead. His breathing caught in his chest. “Damn it! Go away. I need to focus now.” He opened Word and began to type.

By the time he had edited and finalized each letter to Sam his fingers ached, his eyes burned and his palms were ragged from digging his nails into them to regain his focus.  JD closed his eyes. ‘I should call, Turk. I should talk to him…’

‘But _should_ you? He already isn’t the biggest fan of you and if you just call him to whine for no good reason.. Well then, you might as well just kill yourself now for all the good that’d do.’ Dorian looked at the phone in his hand and sighed. As always his conscience was right, he stuffed it back into his pocket. He had to make the most of tomorrow. It’s his last day alive.


	6. My Returning Memories

        It was strange, he decided. Strange looking about at his friends and this place he’d been a million times and know it’d be the last time he ever saw it. He smiled at everyone he passed, made time to visit every patient of his and then some and even decided to talk to the Janitor at the end of the day. Most important of all, he ditched the chair. If today was to be his last, he’d rather spend it in pain and walking than slightly uncomfortable and rolling. So, naturally, Cox tried to force him into the chair any chance he got, most times by force.

“So I said to him, “Mr.Walters.. I am your doctor, not your wife. I can’t-” JD stopped mid-sentence  as his pager went off. It was for Jeremy. “I have to go check in on a patient, be right back.” He left the Turks behind and stumbled inside room 213.

“Hello- Where are you going?”

“I am admitting myself to the inpatient clinic down the road.” Jeremy seemed more lively than he had ever seen him, happy almost. If only he could do the same.

“Good for you man.” JD smiled. Strand was sitting on his hospital bed, completely dressed and ready to go. “Are you waiting for the nurse take you?”

“Yes, that.. And to say thank you and goodbye.”

“Oh. You already said thank you though..” He chuckled.

“That was then. For making me laugh. This thank you is for making me want to try. To make me want to live again.” He stood up and held out a hand to him,  JD took it and shook it, before he knew it he was dragged into a hug by the surprisingly tall college student. “I also just wanted to tell you that you should do the same. I could tell from day one that you were like me and it’s only gotten worse.” Dorian stiffened in his patient’s arms.  “Don’t do anything stupid, Dr.Doctor. It’s not worth it.” And then he was released from his arms shortly after, still in shock by the unexpected advice.

“I-I am not planning to do anything stupid,” Jeremy quirked an eyebrow in disbelief. “I’m not. And, if you wanted to know, my name is John Dorian or JD. Not Dr.Doctor.” He smiled.

Jeremy sighed. “Whatever you say, Dr.Doctor. My ride's here.” Nurse Ronnie eyed Dorian’s standing form with an expectant gaze that he thought best to avoid.

“Goodluck, Jeremy.”

“Goodbye, JD.”

And he was gone. He didn’t have time to mourn the loss of his friend though, Kelso was out on his rounds and it was one of the only chances he had to talk to him.

“Kelso! Doctor Kelso!” He yelled after him as he shambled forwards. “Can Kim-

“Yes!” He was dumbstruck. It was really that easy?

“Huh.. Oh well.” ‘Two down, one last thing to take care of. Get a hug from Turk and Cox. Turk should be easy if he isn’t in surgery, Cox I will have to catch off guard.’

“Chocolate bearrr…” He opened his arms at his friend. “C’mon~...” Turk hesitated, looking about himself to make sure Carla wasn’t looming about the nurse’s station he leaned on. All clear.

        “Okay, Vanilla bear.” Turk’s hugs were always the best. His arms were thick and muscular and pulled you in tight but the slight chubbiness to him gave him a lovely cushion. JD relished the few seconds they held each other before pulling away. “You alright, man?”

        “Yep. Thanks.” A hug from his favorite person always gave him a surge of confidence. “Do you know where Dr.Cox is?” Turk raised his eyebrows at him.

        “Are you-..?”

        “I am finally going to get that hug!” He grinned. Turk smiled uneasily back.

        “Don’t get yourself killed,” JD laughed. “I’m serious, Cox doesn't seem too into surprises let alone surprise hugs like your planning.”

        “You know me too well.. And I will be careful.” He cooed.

        “Alright, well I heard he is in the break room trying to catch a nap.”

        “Perfect.”

        ‘There he is, asleep. How am I going to-’

        ‘Try my old trick, it was very effective.’ His conscience suggested. ‘Never failed.’

      And he was lost in his own thoughts then, the breakroom and Perry’s sleeping form broke away and was replaced by the scene of his high school gym.

**“Dorian, Fletcher, and Morgan must stay after school for detention today.” The two friends groaned and he raised his hand.**

**“Why do I have detention, Coach?” The heavy man gave him a deadly stare.**

**“You know  why, Dorian.” The freshman had gone silent then, he still had no idea why he was in trouble. He’d always been a straight A student and teacher’s pet, he couldn’t remember a time when he had ever broken the rules here let alone have to stay after school. “Now, 2 laps around the track.  You three do triple!” They ran until their thin legs ached and their breaths were harsh and labored.**

**“Fletcher, with me. Morgan with Mr.LeLand. And Dorian with Coach Fratelli.” Mrs.Cross’ voice echoed in his mind now as he watched  himself slouch back into the small gym. He didn’t understand why they had to separate them all, Cross had said it was so anyone who happened to know each other wouldn’t be able to enjoy themselves during the hour by playing but everyone knew he didn’t have any friends besides those who wanted things from him.**

**“Sit on the bleacher, John.” Coach Fratelli ordered. “How are you feeling after today?”**

**“Worried.” He answered honestly which awarded him with loud guffaws from his teacher.**

**“You shouldn’t be, and I was asking about you physically.”**

**“Oh! Well, I am tired after the run and a bit hot I guess.”**

**“Six laps in this weather will do that to yah, do you want some water?” Dorian nodded. “I have to do that so other kids like Fletcher and Morgan don’t think they can break the rules  all willey-nilley. We know your littering wasn’t a big deal, probably an accident seeing as your record is so spotless. But there is a no exceptions policy in place and there was nothing we could do, understand?”**

**“Yes, sir. Thank you.” He took the plastic cup of water and drank it greedily. He didn’t realize how thirsty he had been until now.**

**“Good to hear.” His coach sat in a metal folding chair across from him, his eyes squinted slightly as he looked at him. “You’re not much of a talker are you, John? I kind of noticed that over these past few months.”**

**“‘Guess so.” After he finished the water he looked about for anymore, there was none. This was particularly disappointing because he could feel the onset of a dehydration headache coming on.**

**“I can respect that.” The 30-something-year old nodded at the boy. “So we should probably get going here. Enough of the chit chat, time to do 15 jumping jacks. To your feet, John!” He got to his feet, unsure of the movement. “And...Start!”**

**Dorian bounced up and down as he did one jumping jack after the other, but by the 6th he noticed something was off. His whole body felt heavy and he felt too tired to even walk back to the bleachers. “C-coach… I don’t feel good. Can I go to the nurse?”**

**“Feeling sick are we, bud?” He nodded his head miserably. “Okay. Here, I’ll take you over.” Fratelli’s strong arms were able to hold the stumbling 13 year old up easily and half-guide, half-drag him forwards.**

**He didn’t realize that he was being taken into the wrestling room instead of the nurse’s until he was leaning against a pile of wrestling mats and watching his coach lock the door with half-lidded eyes. Why did he do that? His slowed thoughts wondered. “Coach Fr-..Fratelli?”**

**“Shh… It’s okay, John. I’m just going to help you feel nice.” The teen’s lazy heartbeat began to quicken. He felt the thick fingers pull down his pants and underwear despite his own weak hands struggling to push them away. Fratelli reached for his pant buckle now as he pressed his lips painfully against Dorian’s. “So, don’t scream.”**

   “Lau-..!”

**He felt a hand grab his face.**

       “LAUR-..!”

**Fratelli’s fingers plugged his nose tight until finally his rebeling mouth fell open to drag in a breath.**

      “J-”

         **Instead of air, he felt something else force its way past his lips and down his throat.**

        “JD! JD! Snap out of it!”

        Just as quickly as it came, th memory fell away and his eyes refocused on the man shaking him. “JD!”

        “Wha.. Where am I?” His voice gave out as he spoke.

        “Sacred Heart Hospital, in the break room. Do you remember who I am?”

        “Perry Cox, my mentor… Why wouldn’t I?” He rubbed a hand along his face, only to feel wetness on his cheeks. ‘Shit.’

        “I’m not your me- It doesn’t matter.” Cox sighed, “Anyway.. You were gone a long time. Almost.. Looks like 11 minutes. And you.. Well, you can feel it.” ‘Cried in the middle of the hosital? Great. Just add that to my list of crap.’

        “Ah.. Well, sorry about that.” He scratched the back of his neck selfconsciously.

        “Are you okay? I could admi-”

        “No, no, I’m fine!” Dorian managed to smile at him. “I was just wondering what it’d be like if you and everyone were switched with the Janitor and Doug and everyone. I cried because I hated to have to see you scrubbing floors.” He improvised.

        “Fuck that. What was it really? You said a name a couple times. Fratelli or something.”

        JD feigned exasperation and crossed his arms to mirror Cox. “Fine! Well if you have to know, Fratelli was my family dog that died recently. Happy? I miss him is all.” Dorian pouted. He wouldn’t ever admit it to Cox, but just saying the man’s name made him nauseous.

        “You seriously got that worked up over a dead dog? For Christ sakes, Newbie, I thought you were gonna need to be sedated you were so out of it. If you had any man cards left I’d have burned them when Janitor destroyed your clothes yesterday.” He clicked his tongue in annoyance and pushed past him so roughly Dorian nearly toppled over.

        ‘I guess I’m not getting that hug. That sucks.’ JD flopped on the coach that Cox had previously been on and yelped when his hip hit the cushions. “Shit!”

        “Bless you.” Ted mumbled as he wandered in.

        “Thanks?” Then a thought came to mind. “Hey, Ted, could you help me with a few things? It’d be a lot of help.” The lawyer’s eyes lit up, no one ever asked him for help.

        “O-Of course, Dr.Dorian!”

-

        “Gandhi!” Cox barked at the nuzzling couple. Turk shot him a look so as to say ‘Not right now, can’t you see I may get somewhere with this?!’ “It’s about your girlfriend.”

        The surgeon immediately broke away from his wife, “Sorry, babe, but it’s about JD.” She sighed and waved him off. “What’s up, Dr.Cox?”

        “Who is Fratelli? Yolanda mentioned her earlier.”

        “JD’s coach from highschool, had him all four years I think. Why?”

        “Any reason as to why his coach would make him cry?” Turk gave him a bewildered look.

        “What the hell? No, he was a cool guy from what I hear. Didn’t push JD past his limits like his other coaches. Maybe JD just saw something sad like Charlotte’s web again or something.”

        “He could have died!” Carla chimed in. Turk have her a bewildered side-eye. She rolled her eyes. "Fratelli, not JD."

        “That’s true. Maybe he knew him better than I thought and when he heard he was dead or dying, he cried.” Turk offered. Cox seemed to consider this.

        “Sounds likely. Do you remember what he looks like and his full name?”

        “First and last and what he looked like when he got the yearbook photo taken. He was a kinda ugly dude, not the kind you can forget.” He chuckled.

        Cox ignored him and motioned to the old junky computer, “Carla, can you-?”

        “Sure thing.” She hopped off the counter and sat at the desk. “What’s his name?”

        “David Fratelli. Fat white guy who coached for Oakton High School in around 1988.”

        The computer took its time as it slowly booted to life and brought up the search browser. With a few quick flutters of Carla’s fingers the results popped up. “Well, he’s not dead… Is this him, Turk?” The mouse lingered over a picture of a smiling, obese man and his grandchildren.

        “YEAH! That’s him! Oh, he’s so olllld! That’s crazy!” Carla clicked on the photo and was sent to his facebook page.

“Want to call him? His number’s on here.”

“Of course I do! I could get so much dirt on JD from when he was in highschool..  _And_  find out if he’s dying or not of course.” He flipped open his phone and dialed in the number. It rang out twice before a tired, scratchy voice answered.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Hello, sir. Are you David Fratelli?”

“Yes..”

‘It’s him!’ He excitedly mouthed to his companions. “Well, sir, my name is Doctor Christopher Turk calling on behalf of my friend who was in your class in the eighties.”

“What’s their name, kid? I can’t guarantee I will remember them, I’ve been a coach a long time now.”

“Does the name John Dorian ring any bells?” The line went silent a moment. “Sir?”

“Sorry. Yes, I remember him. He was one of my favorite students. How’s he been?” It made Turk smile to hear the man’s interest.

“He’s a doctor here in California now. And he’s got a kid on the way so I’d say pretty damn good!” He laughed before realizing his mistake. “Oh, sorry, sir. I forgot-” His plan to be as professional as possible sudden broke apart.

“I’m not a 10 year old nor a mother, I frankly don’t give a shit if you cuss.” The coach guffawed before collecting himself. “Do you think it’d be a bad time to visit? The distance isn’t a problem for me and it’d be nice to visit him and a few family members out there again.”

“I think he’d love that! When do you think you’ll be by? I can email you the address of our hospital.”

“Soon, I will let you know when I arrive. I’d like to suprise him.”

“Sounds good to me, sir. I’ll email you. Have a good day!”

“You as well, Christopher.” The call ended and Turk thrust his fist into the air. “Coach Fratelli is coming to Sacred Heart!”


	7. My "Accidental" Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by the Andrew Bird song, Sovay. I HIGHLY recommend because that bean's music is the bomb.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  To JD’s dismay, he discovered it was just about impossible to kill himself in his new, baby-safe apartment. All the medications were mostly empty or were replaced by prenatal vitamins, all the knives were hidden God knows where along with the cutlery, and there was absolutely no place high enough to hang from.

    “Damn her good parenting..” He mumbled half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. JD’s eyes scanned over his surroundings. There had to be some way.. Somehow…

  Just then the front window’s blinds lit up and he could feel the apartment rattle ever so slightly as a few cars shot past.

  “That's it!” A relieved smile broke over his face as he pulled on his shoes and jogged out into the icy, early morning darkness.

  The hair on his body rose to attention as a gust of wind whipped past with another car. It was dark, oh so dark. So dark it was hard to tell just what was stepping out from the bushes until it’s too late. It was true for so many, and just the same was it for the unsuspecting driver of a local flower delivery van. Perfect.

~

  One moment the road before Archer was a desolate asphalted wilderness, the next there was suddenly a ghostly pale figure stumbling out. Light reflected on the squinting eyes of the motionless silhouette as it’s dark brown hair rustled eerily. He tried to veer out of the way but the opposite side of the road had a small car rushing past and on his other side was a line of houses.

  There was nowhere to go.

  The driver slammed his foot on the brakes and closed his eyes, praying for the stranger to move.

  God must have been preoccupied at that very moment. Because there was no miracle, only a gut-wrenching cracking and crunch as the man took the full impact of the van and was thrown to the side. His legs were the only part still far enough in the street to be ran down by the heavy vehicle.

  “Oh fuck! Are you-?! Jesus!” The driver pulled to the side of the road and jumped out of his van, phone in hand. He dialed the number quickly and heard the line ring twice.

  “9-11, what is your emergency?” Around him the windows of stranger’s homes began to light up. Morbid curiosity drawing the locals from their beds.

  “I- I accidentally hit somebody with my van! He’s bleeding bad! Oh shit.. Please-! Send an ambulance!”

  “An ambulance is on the way. Please stay on the line until help arrives…” A bored voice mumbled from the speaker while a crowd began to form around him.

+

    “Doctor Cox!”

  
**** ~~~~

“‘The hell do you want?” The curly-haired doctor spun on his heel and sighed as he found Elliot looking more flustered than usual behind him. This wasn’t going to be pleasant he could already tell.

    “I- There was- JD-!” She sputtered, eyes wide and watering. The older doctor was beginning to grow impatient. He crossed his arms, tapping his fingers along his bicep.

    “Spit it out, Barbie. I have a job to do and that job does not include giving you speech therapy.”

    “JD-..” She dragged in a breath and steadied herself, “He was hit by a car while on a walk. He’s in surgery with Turk right now.It doesn’t look good.”

    “How did-..? Why now of al-? Y’know what? It doesn’t matter. I have rounds to finish.” He shook the questions from his mind and filled his head with medical charts instead.

    “What? Did you not hear me?!” Panic was replaced with outrage and the grating shrillness of the woman’s voice grew worse. “JD could die and all you care about is your rounds?!”

    “ I heard you loud and clear, as did half the hospital. And yeah, he may die, but so what? I have 5 patients right now who are just as likely to kick the bucket. Should I ignore them while I go cry myself to sleep for Lauraine and leave _them_ to die? Fuck no, I’m a doctor. There is nothing I can do to help or change the situation with her, so I will help with what I can instead. Because that’s what big boys and girls do.” He berated her condescendingly. Her face flushed red in anger and new tears poured over before she rushed off.

    To her closet presumably.

    Cox hummed to himself as he continued on with his usual routine. “Stable, stable, needs more Vitamin B, stable…” He went through his list of patients methodically, over and over. And over. And over. It was his sixth time over the same chart when the nagging thought from before began to creep back into his mind. He tried to push it out but it seemed to only become more prominent the more he tried. “ I need a new patient.” He decided. Maybe a new puzzle will be enough to sidetrack his mind a while.

    He realized his mistake when he came upon the nurse’s station and found the Turks embracing each other desperately as Carla seemed to be trying to calm her husband. He was about to continue walking when he was spotted.

    “C-Cox..” Her shaky voice beckoned him. “Come here.” Christopher Turk pulled away from her and walked off briskly. In the time it took him to turn around, Cox had noticed the smears of red slong his brow and spattering his laces.

    “What?”

    “Did you hear? About JD?”

    “Yeah, any updates from Ghandi over there? He didn't look too good.” She gave him a pained smile.

    “Turk said the surgery was a success and JD is stable. He’s just a little off still. After seeing Bambi when he first came in really jarred him. Plus there the possibility..”

    “That she might not wake up.” Cox finished quietly. She nodded.

    “He’s going home to rest a while. It’s been a long night for all of us, but him especially.” He could see the slight irritation and puffiness around her eyes that could only come from a long bout of crying. “If you want to see him, he is just down the hall on the right. Can’t miss it.” He gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder in an attempt at comforting her before carrying on along the hospitals corridors.

-

  Cox’s long strides began to grow smaller and stiffer the closer he got to his destination. Despite his procrastination he soon found himself at the doorway of his junior. He had to fight the urge to avert his gaze as he took in the sight of the younger man.

  JD was pale as a corpse most everywhere except where bruises painted morbid portraits along his body. His legs were in heavy braces and where there weren’t bandages there were scraps and burns in their place. If Cox had seen him in the morgue he would not have questioned his presence. He was honestly surprised their local mortician hadn’t begun loading him up yet. Doug had wrongfully tagged much livelier patients before.

  The one thing that really bothered him and almost seemed wrong, was to see the young doctor so disheveled and unkempt.

  Even when he had been hospitalized for appendicitis and later fainting spells he had still had an air of normality about him. But now as his usually perfectly-styled hair lay askew, dark bags shadowed his eyes and machines controlled his every function it was as if all of his previous traits and qualities had all just disappeared. Leaving this empty shell behind.

  A minute went by and the initial shock having passed, Cox began to check JD’s vitals and wounds as he would any other patient. ‘He’s just a patient. May wake up, may-.. May not. Nothing new.’

  It was no different, he reminded himself over and over. And yet, unlike every other time, there was a slight tremor to  his hands and a darkness in his eyes as he replaced the other man’s soiled bandages.

  He finished with his regular check ups with relative ease and didn’t spare JD even a second glance as he strutted out into the hall, eager to escape the suddenly cramped confines of the sterilized room. The hallway he found, wasn’t much better. Without the distraction of a patient, beeping machines or a chart in his hands he struggled to withhold his repressed thoughts from earlier. The only thing in the passageway besides him was the janitor who seemed dead set on killing an ant with the handle of his mop but managed to miss his mark every time. As amusing as the other man’s frustration was, he could still feel the nagging feeling creep back up on him.

  Like the feeling he got when he suspected something was amiss with a patient, this intuition of his refused to go away and scratched at the back of his mind. As much as Cox hated to admit it, he knew, just like with his instincts with his patients, that the feeling wouldn’t go away until he acknowledged it and either proved or disproved it.

  The doctor stopped mid-trek and pinched the bridge of his nose. “God damn it, Barbara..” He dropped his hand, straightened his coat, and continued on with a new sense of purpose. He had been presented with a new puzzle, this time though, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to solve it.

  ‘Was it really an accident?’ The simple question echoed through his thoughts as he fell back into step with his peers. ‘Or something worse?’ He didn’t know.  Not yet at least.


	8. My Visitors

 

  “JD… Oh God..” Kim pushed past Elliot, her aching feet unable to move fast enough as she reached for her boyfriend. “JD.. How did this happen?” Moisture brimmed in her eyes and she felt the child within her adjust. She held her abdomen gingerly as she waited for the wave of pain to pass.

  Beep…. Beep… Beep….

  The heart monitor sang the melody to its uncaring audience.

  “Kim.” A calm, yet authoritative voice called behind her. She looked up to find Cox staring at her with a dark gaze. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  She wiped a hand across her face and straightened herself, “Of course. What about?”

  The doctor nodded towards the unconscious man she sat beside nonchalantly. Her fingers twitched around Dorian’s before tightening a little. A sudden need to protect surged through her. To protect who and from what she wasn’t sure.

  “Sit down.”

~

        “I’m sorry! I know I was late yesterd-!... No! How could you think that?! I am taking care of my husband and I know you don't know what that is like but-” Carla scoffed in surprise as the other nurse cursed over the speaker. “No-No-No.. You listen hear and you listen good, you son of a bi-”

        “Baby..”

        “Not now, Turk. I’m in the middle of something.” She batted his hands away.

        “Carla, put it down. Come on, for me.” She shot him a look before letting out a long breath.

        “This isn’t over.” She warned before ending the call and putting a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Is everything okay? I could get you-”

        “I will be fine, Carla. And don’t give me that look, I am an adult  and can handle being home alone. You should go to work, I will watch Izzy.” He grabbed her work bag and pressed it into her arms. “Really, I’m good.”

        “Really? Are you sure because I-” He interrupted her with a kiss and smiled at her.

        “Yes. Go or you’ll be late.” Carla was at a loss for words for a second before she nodded and scurried out the door. “Love you!”

        “Love you too!” She called as she twisted about the hallway, mind muddled and heart pumping.

        Coast clear, Turk finally let the gravity of the situation set in for the first time since he saw his friend being dragged into the ER.

        

        **“Move! Patient coming through! Move!” Turk jumped out of the way with an annoyed huff.**

**“Why are paramedics always making such a scene? They always think they are so much better than everyone else.”**

**“Tell me about it…” Todd agreed. “Everyone knows surgeons are the best anyways so..” He shrugged with a grin.**

**Turk whooped and accepted the painful high-five. “You got that right!”**

**“Turk. You are needed for surgery  immediately. A patient was just brought in in critical condition a moment ago and we need all hands on deck.”**

**“Yes, sir-!” Ronnie gave him a deadly look. “Er.. Ma’am..?” Her eyes remained narrowed at him but she left anyways, ignoring the odd catcalls Todd threw at her as she left.**

**Turk patted Todd on the back with a sad look, “We will have to continue this later. I need to go scrub in.”**

**“Goodluck!” He flinched as Todd returned the gesture. He could already feel a bruise forming where his palm had landed. “Speaking of goodluck… Have you seen the new Irish doctor, Doctor Moore? There are so many things I could fi-”**

**“I have to go, Todd. You can rant about the new doctor later. He will still be here when I get back.”**

**“Alright..” Todd’s moping didn’t last long though, one of the interns he had so thoughtfully dubbed “Glasses” had dropped their chart and was bent over to retrieve it.**

**The surgeon let out a whistle and stalked off as Turk laughed lightly to himself.**

 

        Turk closed the door quietly so as not to wake his sleeping infant before locking himself within the safety of his shared bathroom. Its cramped confines had seen it all, so what better place was there for him to fall apart?

 

       **“Ready?” Miller said, hands raised before her. He nodded eagerly and pushed his way though the crowd around him. “Good, I need you to make sure he doesn’t choke on his vomit and help the nurses clear away the blood so we can work. You got that?”**

**His dark eyebrows lowered and he nodded again, all his excitement gone. Now he had to be a nurse instead of doing all the real wor- Oooh Carla would kill him if he finished that thought.**

**Someone handed him the suction and he moved to the top of the table to check the patient’s eyes and mouth. God, he was already bored. He flipped a silver switch, tested the suction  on his wrist, and removed the tape from the patient's eyes.**

**Wait is that-? “Who is this?” He demanded of a passing surgeon who jumped at his sudden outburst. “Who is this?!”**

**“J-John Dorian!” She stuttered before running off to help the rest of the group.**

**‘JD. It’s JD. JD. JD...’ His head began to spin. ‘It can’t- couldn’t-.’**

**The sound of his friend flatlining brought him back to reality. The long tone and screaming alarms surrounded around him like the sound of gunfire in a warzone.**

**“Turk! We need suction now or he’s as good as dead!” Miller barked, her gloved hands coated in red and wrist deep within his best friend’s chest as she tried to save his life.**

**“Coming!” He was then there in the thick of it, every second passing by could mean their failure or their success. And as of now, things weren’t looking good.**

**“Shit!” One of the mended lacerations reopened and blood sprayed over them. “Turk! Hands in, now!” Hands shaking, breathes ragged, he did as he was told and went to work trying to find the opening in the gorey maze before him.**

        Turk tried to fight it. He tried. His now bruised knuckles and dented wall was proof of that. But, no matter what he did he couldn’t fight off the tears that stung his eyes and coated his cheeks in salt water.

        “He’s fine! He’s fine! The surgery was a success he is-” He snatched a towel from the sink and covered his face with it, trying to stifle his own painful sobs.

 

         **Everything was red. Red and faded blue.**

**Someone was talking to him but it was distant. He couldn’t quite make out what they were saying and didn’t care to. He felt.. Distant. And for some reason he was okay with that. Okay with this newfound haze of blue and red.**

**“--- ----- --!” There’s that voice again. Why won’t they just get the message and go away?**

**Turk felt himself be pulled forwards and there was suddenly a blinding light in his eyes. He grimaced and rubbed his irritated eyes as he muttered curses.**

**“--- - ---. --- ---- --?”**

**“---- --- ------- -------!”**

**There were two voices now. They were loud and possibly arguing amongst one another.**

**Red, blue, and.. What is that? His haze began to go into focus as he noticed other colors around him. Black, brown, white, green and.. Purple..?**

**“C-” His voice gave out and he tried again, his confidence growing with each detail he  could now begin to make out. “Carla?” The purple smudge turned around.**

**“Turk! Oh Baby, I’m so sorry..” If the purple was her scrubs and the blue were his, then what was that other color? His attention now focused on the red splotches near him. His head began to hurt a little as he concentrated on focusing on the crimson blobs.**

**“Tha- Wh- J-” His breathes came in gasps again as he found himself thrown right back into reality and he realized what he was seeing.**

**“Turk, Turk you gotta calm down. It’s okay, breathe, baby, breathe.” Carla pleaded with him. Despite being able to clearly hear that she was struggling to hold back tears, he didn’t take notice because all over scrubs was blood. It was everywhere. Even-**

**“Give me your mirror.”**

**“What?”**

**“Please..” A little rustling and he now held the glass in his hands, staring in horror at the spatter dotting along his brow line and the streak over his cheek where he had wiped away sweat earlier on. He had the blood-coated look of a killer.**

Ice cold water made goosebumps rise over his skin. The feeling of that blood on his face wouldn't leave no matter how hard he scrubbed. “Come on! Come on!” He whispered desperately to himself. “Why won’t you-”

<Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!>

His phone was ringing loudly in the next room over. Which, of course, was the thing that finally woke up Isabella. Christopher rushed out of the bathroom to tend to her, uncaring of the fact that his face was still dripping wet and that he had left the sink on.

“Hello?” His voice sounded a little hoarse and he hoped that whoever was calling didn’t notice.

“Dr.Turk! It’s David, David Fratelli!” A boisterous voice greeted him. “Hope this isn’t a bad time!”

“No, not at all.” He clipped his daughter’s onesie closed once more and threw the soiled diaper away.

“Wonderful! Because I was just calling to let you know that my plane just landed. And once I am done unloading my things at my sister’s house I was hoping to stop by to the hospital to pay young Dorian a visit before heading back to Lauraine’s.”

Turk froze mid-rock of his baby, “Oh, Coach, uh I forgot to mention-”

“Oh don’t worry about a thing, kid! I will see you there in thirty minutes sharp!”

“But-”

“See ya then!” Silence filled his ear as the line went dead. He cursed before apologizing to the bundle in his arms.

“Sorry, Izzy. Daddy’s just a little stressed right now. You don’t ever cuss, got it?” The infant babbled to herself as she finicked with his watch. “Good. Now let’s stay quiet while I call Mommy, okay? Quiet quiet quiet..” He mumbled softly to her as he dialed his wife’s number.

~

 "What-? No he-"

 "Ms.Espinosa!"  

 "Gotta go, love you!" She  flipped her phone shut and spun about with a grin plastered over her face. " Dr.Kelso, how are you?"

 "Seeing as my nurses are more interested in their telephones than their patients, not good." The graying doctor said coldly." Give it here. "

  Carla mumbled under her breath but relented her cell to the misshapen cardboard box in his hands. 

  "Good, now, go pretend to work or something. If I see you or your little "gal pals" clucking instead of working again then I will reconsider your extra vacation time. " He threatened, shaking the box of phones at her.

  "Yes, sir."  Another stern look and he was on his way once more, yelling at the hospital lawyer who was attempting to clean mayonnaise of his shirt with his tie. 

  °°°

  "Damn Kelso and damn his - his-! Damn his ugly car!" She  tossed her gloves roughly into the bin. "I can't even blink without him breathing down my neck!" 

  " 'at di.. he do..? "  Carla dropped the pen in her hand in surprise and spun about.

  "Bambi?"

  " Mm.. Here. " Dorain's eyes cracked open slightly as a twitch in the corners of his lips suggested a smile. "..'ere's, Turk? Is- Is 'e...?" His eyes drooped once more.

  " JD? JD can you hear me?" He didn't reply though, the man had sunken deep back into unconsciousness and was lost again. " Oh, Bambi.."  She reached for him just as the door opened.

  Two men entered the room and with them came the sound of a baby gurgling and deep-throated laughter. She was going to send them away until she recognized them.

  "Turk? Whose this?" Her husband's wide eyes lingered on his best friend a little too long before they transitioned back to hers.

  " ..Carla, David Fratelli. David, Carla Turk. " 

  "You must be Chris' wonderful wife I've heard so much about! Nice to meet you." He shook her hand firmly before crossing his arms again. "So! Should we talk about the elephant in the room or..?" Fratelli said playfully as he looked past her shoulder at the unconscious man on the other side of the room.

  "Oh, well we don't know all the details but what we do know is..."

 

 


	9. My Broken Body

  Dorian had always hated the smell of antiseptic.

  It was a strange quality for a doctor to possess, he knew. Yet it still held true. And, as he was engulfed in the sharp scent now it was beginning to make his stomach churn uncomfortably.

  He clenched his teeth and fought back the bile building in his throat.

“---- --. --. -ere.” He felt something curved press painfully into his chest. He nodded his thanks, wrapped his hands around the container as his stomach lurched. Instead of getting the sense of relief from ridding his body of whatever was attacking it, he merely dry heaved endlessly. Each twist of his stomach tore at his wounds and left him groaning between gags.

  There was a clicking noise and he felt his skin crawl as something cold entered his veins. ‘Morphine.’ His thoughts muddled together and the pain began to ebb.

  “Newbie. Open your eyes.”

  “...Wh..at?” No wonder everything was so dark. He lifted his bobbing head and forced his eyes to open to the blindingly bright world around him.

  “Good. Do you remember your name? My name?”

  “..J-John Dorian.” He sighed as his head lulled to the side,a sudden tiredness setting in. “You’re Perry Cox.. And this is- I am in Sacred Heart, I think.”

“Alright. Do you remember what happened? How you landed yourself in that bed there?”

  J.D. suddenly jolted upwards as Cox slammed the chart in his arms against the bed’s metal handrails.

  “Focus, Judy. I need an answ-” He smacked the bed again, Dorian’s bewildered eyes quickly flying back to his. “What is so goddamned interesting?!” His “mentor” began to turn when J.D. called his attention back to him with improvised words.

  “N-nothing! Sorry, I’m just tired!”

  Cox crossed his arms and shot him a discerning gaze, seemingly deciding that he didn’t care. “So?”

  “I-.. Uh..” He scratched the back of his neck as he glanced nervously back at the heavy man lingering near the Nurse’s Station just a few hundred feet from his doorway. His conscience. But there was something different about it now, it seemed less surreal as it no longer bore its rabbit-mascot head and chose instead to wear a relatively normal outfit. Everything about these usually meaningless changes made him want to slam his hospital room door and lock it shut. “It’s kind of hazy, but I think I remember going for a walk. It was dark out and I was crossing the street..” ‘I tried to kill myself. Is that what you want to hear?’ His mind wondered as Perry’s carefully composed features tightened. “There were these lights or something, then I can’t remember.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

  “You were on a walk.. At 2 in the morning, on what happened to be the busiest road in your neighborhood..?” 

  “Yep.” He eased himself back against his pillow and toyed with his I.V. “So when can I be released? It doesn’t look too s- OW!” The chart landed on his hand this time, the skin along his knuckles and the back of his hand flushed an angry pink. He shook out his injured appendage to relieve the pain what little he could.

  “Stop messing with that. Only when you become a “big girl” can you even glance at it so until then leave your treatment up to the real professionals.” Cox ordered the younger man. “And, even though you are stable and ready to be released I still want you to-”

  “Great! I’d like to release myself as soon as possible. Sooner the better.” His conscience seemed to have taken notice of him now. It’s heavy, creased face pulled up into a familiar smile that made his skin crawl. “I want to go see Kim and if I’m just going to be stuck in bed I would rather do it at home.” 

  “Sooner as in right now?” J.D. nodded eagerly. Cox sighed, pulling the papers out from within the clipboard and passed both to the bed-bound doctor. “Fine, but if you leave now you will have to stay in a chair or bed at all times and will have to follow a strict set of guidelines.”

  “Sure, sure.” He slashed at the pages with the ball point and passed the signed papers back to the attending. “Can I leave now?”

  “If you’re going to be stupid about this _fine_ , but at least let me get a chair so you don’t break anything else trying to gossip with your girlfriends.” The clipboard was now just a breath away from him, its metal hinges aimed between his eyes as its bearer’s tone grew deadly. “If you pull your little disappearing act again though, I swear to the god I don’t even bel-IE-ve in, Newbie, I will-!”

  “I won’t.” The clipboard lingered a moment before slowly pulling back.

  “Hmph.” 

  5 minutes later it wasn’t Cox who emerged with a wheelchair in tow, but rather Turk. The surgeon’s tired and somber expression seemed to melt away completely as he saw his conscious and smiling friend, a huge beaming grin immediately taking its place.

  “Chocolate Bear!” He flung his arms out before him.

  “Vanilla Bear!!” Turk threw himself forwards and embraced his friend steadfastly, making the injured doctor whimper a little despite himself. “Oh! Sorry man! How are you feeling?”

  “Like I got hit by a car.” He laughed then cringed. “So are you the helper Cox was talking about?”

  “I have no idea! He just came out of nowhere and told me to bring that old thing to a patient and help them home. Weird request at the time but I get it.” Christopher Turk bumped the worn wheels with his foot. “I swear, he’s like a ghost sometimes. We were talking about Izzie one minute and the next he was just… There. Scared the crap out of Carla and Dave.”

  “Not you?” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

  “Nope. I have like a sixth sense for when Cox is about to appear. Like the guy from the Shining, man.” 

 J.D. chuckled, “You will have to teach me sometime then. I never quite got it down.” An arm found its way beneath his shoulders and helped him out of his bed. “Sh-!” He gasped as his one cast-free leg gave way beneath him and all his weight was now being supported entirely by his friend.

  “Hold on. I got you.” J.D.’s jaw aches from exertion as he grit his teeth while being repositioned in his arms. “There we go, Take a deep breath, this is going to hurt. Turk sat him down in the chair as gently as he could. “-Alot.”

                                                       000

  “J.D.? J.D.?! Oh my god! I was so worried!” Kim’s words came out in short, barely understandable gasps between sniffles. “I thought you weren’t going to-!” Turk smiled proudly at the embracing couple. “I’m just so-” She shoved her lips against his desperately before pulling back in for another hug.

  ‘She’s so kind to me and yet… I still-..Don’t feel anything for her but regret and distrust. What does that say about me?’ The heavy feeling from before he woke up was now back and doubling up on him. He heard the trill of a phone going off and Turk greet whoever was on the other end, but the woman restraining him didn’t seem to notice or care. “Kim..” ‘I should tell her. Tell her how I really am.’ She pulled away from him, euphoric tears still streaking down her cheeks as a look of realization set in.

  “Oh you must be tired! Here, let me- No, stay on the call Turk I’ve got him. Thank you. Okay let’s get you back to our room alright? You can rest in there a while, okay?”

  “I… Alright. Thanks.” He murmured. The wheels of his chair creaked in defiance as he was guided along the apartment's carpeted floors. 

 

   He glanced back at his friend. The last thing he saw before he was submerged into the dark, floral-scented depths of his apartment was Turk's warm smile.

 

 

~

 

 

    "Got it? Good. Let Kim know she has first shift and relay the rest. Then, get your ass down here. And be here in 5 minutes or I'm telling Carla to have you on baby changing duty for the next week. " Cox flipped the phone shut and settled himself in the staff room couch. If all goes as planned, he won't be moving from this spot for the next two hours.

    He turned on the T.V. and flipped through channels. His tired eyes scrutinizing each for only a second before switching to the next. 'Is there nothing o- Oh here we go..' Prescription Passion was on and it seemed the patient had (once again) gotten amnesia. And, for some reason, the  soap opera doctor took twenty minutes to discover this fact.

    "Come on, Brock! You're better than this! It's so  _obvious_!" His berating of the television was cut short as a red-faced and sweaty surgeon burst in.

    "H-here!" He gasped.

    "I can see that, genius. Sit. " you would have thought he had asked the man to shoot someone going only from the nervous look in his eye. And Cox wasn't sure why but he was almost proud of that fact. Hell, He _was_ proud of it. "I have a few questions about Zoey."

    " Okay... " Turk's face was slowly returning it's usual shade and a sense of caution was setting in. "Shoot."

    "Did she seem different to you lately? Distant, tired, overly-excited..? Actually, scratch that last one."

    His dark eyebrows furrowed in thought. "No, I don't think so. Pretty normal all around besides the fact he was kinda jumpy maybe. " He shrugged.

    "Did you receive any items or messages from her that day? Like a ring, signed boy band poster, or whatever else you two like? " 

    "N-Wait." These questions sounded familiar.

    'Shit.' Cox thought with a sigh as he saw anger flare in the other man's eyes.

    "It was an accident _, Cox._  An _accident_.He didn't- He wouldn't do that. "

    "Are you sure? Re--ally sure? Because from what I could tell,  it wasn't. I know surgeons are stupid but really?" He laughed harshly as his own anger ignited. "This is just sad."

    Turk was now on his feet, hands clenched in tight balls as Cox carried on behind him. "Shut up, you don't know him-"

    "Ghandi, open your eyes! It took me a while to figure it out myself so I get it, but Jaylen really did try to kill herself! And if we don't find out why why then she will probably try again but this time she will likely be successfu-" Turk whipped around on his superior and his fist met with Cox's jaw. Sending him careening back onto the couch and stars into his vision.

   "He wouldn't do that." He said coldly before storming out of the room.

   Cox looked at the spot where the surgeon had once stood while he wiped the light trickle of blood off of his chin. " Well," he unmuted the plasma. "That went better than expected."

 

 


	10. My Runaway    Thoughts

     Dorian inhales deeply, despite the aching of his ribs he hold it deep within himself. Waiting… waiting… “Yes!” The final boss explodes into bags of gold and various piles of loot. 

“I’m glad to see you’re doing better.” He felt Kim press her lips against the top of his head while she passed by. The scent of vanilla and lavender trailed behind her as she shrugged a coat over her narrow shoulders. “Are you alright by yourself for a while? I was planning to meet with a friend today but I could stay here with you instead if you like. It’s up to you.”

He paused his game and tilted his head up to look at her. “That sounds fine to me. What time will my new ‘sitter be here? Is it Turk?” Kim rolled her eyes at the babysitter comment.

“No, and make sure to actually talk to him. He came a long way just to see how you were doing.”

“Oh?” His eyes wandered back to the screen as possibilities filled his mind. ‘Dan, maybe?’

“Uh huh.” She slid on her now-too-small shoes and opened the door. “Love you,  JD! We will be back soon!”

“You too!” 

The door closed and JD’s fascade fell away: his smile faltered, his shoulders slumped, and a sigh escaped his lips. Finally he could stop sugar-coating his inner feelings and just  _ be _ for once. He could hurt openly without worrying about being dragged back to Sacred Heart or freaking out his friends. Instead, he could escape that same pain and his own thoughts through the wonders of his PS2. With just a tap of a few buttons, he was engulfed in a fantasy world far more interesting than his own dreary, gauze-coated one.

He had closed the disc drive and settled himself for the long wait for the PS2 to acknowledge the disc inside it when he heard two stiff knocks from the front door. “Coming!” He pushed a few loose locks back into place, straightened his shirt, and rolled to the door. 

“Hell-” He swung the door open with a wide grin and a gust of cold air flew past him. “-Oh…” The young doctor was as motionless as a statue while a long shadow was cast over him.

“Hello, John. May I come in?”

~

“Kim.”

“Perry.” The cafe was lit warmly by faux antique light bulbs and both doctors’ hair glistened slightly as the rainwater that drenched them both mirrored the lamps about them. “You said you wanted to ask a few more questions?”

He nodded, eyeing his cup suspiciously as he pulled it from his lips. ‘I asked for black coffee. Why do they have to add sugar to every damn thing they toss at us here?’ Cox considered talking to the ex-intern that had served them, Cabbage, but reconsidered as he noticed the crease in Kim’s face. He had seen it in all his regular patients and ex-wife today as well. He rubbed the swollen lump on his jaw uselessly. “One of our more..  _ Excitable _ geriatrics wasn’t properly sedated before his colonoscopy. Found out just a few seconds too late.”

Briggs smiled sympathetically. She had nearly lost an eye once in the past while attempting to remove a patient’s urinary stone. “So, was there anything in particular you wanted to know or-?  I just thought we went over everything already..” 

“We did. I just need a few clarifications. Now. Can you go over the week prior to the accident and since one more time for me?” He pulled out a pen and his face now only reflected complete interest and focus. Kim adjusted herself uncomfortably on her hard chair and rehearsed the long story once more. Her voice melding into the white noise of the cafe’s chatter and clanking surrounding them.

-

“John?” ‘He can’t be here. He’s not here. I’m just going crazy,’ David Fratelli looked curiously down at the doctor, questions forming in his eyes. ‘He can’t-’ “I will take that silence of yours as a yes,” he laughed forcing the door open further before entering his apartment. “Nice place you got for yourself. Your woman like it?”

It finally clicked as he slowly turned around and saw the man drop into Kim’s chair at the dining table and begin to empty his bags contents upon it. David smiled that haunting smile with rain on his face and the creases of age in his cheeks. He saw how the man had changed and grown older and yet somehow was still..  _ Him _ . And he knew this was no hallucination or daydream.

    This was real.

     He was trapped here, alone, with his worst nightmare. ‘What do I do? What  _ can _ I do?’ Sweat beaded on his neck and face, Dorian’s lungs felt as if they were filled with holes and he couldn’t catch his breath. ‘I need to hide, run, call someone, something!’ 

    “I brought some burritos from a Del Paco or whatever they call it down the road. Hopefully they didn’t get too wet on my way in. That’d be a real shame.” Fratelli’s thick hands delicately unwrapped one of the greasey packages and peered inside. A relieved smile quickly forming as he saw its relatively-dry form. “Perf- Where are you going?” JD had taken his chance as he was distracted to make a break for the master bedroom, leaving the swaying front entrance open to the elements without a second thought. “Hold on! Wait! John, unlock this door and come on out. Kim will skin me if I don’t get some food in you.”

    Dorian ignored the rattling of the door knob and the yells of the older man the best he could as he flung open drawers and fumbled through them with shaking hands. ‘Where is it?! Where is it?!’ He threw the box in his hands down on the ground and ran a hand through his hair. ‘It’s not here. Where did I put it?” He racked his brain for where he had last seen his phone when it suddenly came to him. He left in on the kitchen table. ‘Shit. Shit. Shit..!’ 

    “Kid?”

    “G-get the hell out of my house.” His hollow, shaky voice managed to gasp out. 

    “Don’t be like that.. Come on. The food’s getting cold.” Cloth rustled on the other side of the door. “John..” His name was spoken lower now, more of a warning than a true calling.

**“John,” The tassel on his cap fell forwards as he looked over, it’s frayed threads tickling his nose. A heavy hand fell upon his shoulder and a chill ran down his spine as he found his coach standing behind him. “Good job. I’m real proud of you. You’re really movin’ up in the world, huh?”JD nodded, and he could feel Coach Fratelli’s breath on his neck.**

**The boy could see Dan and his parents bickering just ahead. If only he could catch their eye.. He waggled his foot as subtly and frantically as he could on the opposite side of where his teacher stood. His brother was the only one to finally notice his telltale attempts to signal them. He was relieved up until his brother, rather than coming to his aid, merely rolled his eyes at him and turned away.**

**“Make sure to visit,” A grotesque purr of a whisper escaped David’s lips. “I will look forward to it. And, I just know you wouldn’t ever just abandon this town or your friends and family here.. You’d be very..** **_Remorseful_ ** **.. If that were to happen.”**

**The loosely concealed threat hung in the air long after he was left alone in his seat among the rest of his fellow graduates.**

**Names began to be called over the blown out loudspeakers and the seniors walked or strutted onto the stage with proud gazes and eager hands. “Daniel Dorian..” His brother beamed at the crowd and held two middle fingers high over his head. Flustered teachers and parents alike muttered angrily as he was moved along. “John Dorian.” Now it was the students turn to mutter amongst themselves as the thin Junior made for the stage.**

**It wasn't  common in his school for a student to graduate early as he was now, and he had worked hard to be their 11th to do so. He puffed out his chest confidently  and walked forwards with his head held high.**

**“Congratulations..” His droopy-eyed principal stated dryly before quickly wiping the hand that he had used to shake each student's vigorously upon his robe. JD smiled at him then turned to face the sunny field full of teachers  and loved ones behind him. Dorian waved his hand excitedly to them, vowing then and there that he would never return to this town or school again if he had any say in it. And as the years would pass later on in his life, it became true.**

    Dorian came back to as he heard a strange noise coming from outside his door. He gripped the wheels of his chair and twisted around. 

    There it was again. It was an odd mixture of scraping and creaking. ‘What is that?’

     He realized a minute too late what it was when his door knob wobbled in place before dropping to the floor with a dull thump. His door creaked open allowing the screwdriver-bearing Fratelli to enter. “What the hell did you do in here? Looks like a damn storm came through.”

      He had no explanation that would appease the man, so he remained silent as their gazes met.

      “Well..” He ran a hand over his mouth in consideration. “Let's get this cleaned up then, huh? Don't  want to make things any harder for Kim.” JD didn't know what to do as he watched Fratelli clean up the clutter of office supplies on the floor. “Oh and this gadget of yours kept goin’ off. Seemed important.” The doctor caught his phone in his lap and noticed a few new messages from Turk, a call from Kim, and oddly enough a single message from Cox. [Don't do anything stupid.] Was all it read.

     “Can you hold this?” David held up a end table drawer. 

      “Yeah..” He sat it on his lap as well and spent the next confusing few minutes helping his old coach put his house back together. 

       Dorian was guided out of the bedroom and sat before a full plate and napkin shortly thereafter. He wasn't anywhere near considering trusting the man. He would never make that mistake again after Junior year. But what he felt now was a conflicted sort of combination of thankfulness and fear.

     ‘Should I eat this? What if he did something to it? I'm  not really hungry, but he might get upset and I can't defend myself like this. Maybe I could..’ His anxious thoughts fought one another within himself, leaving him staring worriedly down at the fastfood congealing on his plate. 

     “John.” A hand smacked him on the back and he jumped. “There you go. You got yourself lost in the clouds again, kid. You really need to get a handle on that. Now are you going to eat or-?”

    “I'm not really hungry.. Thank you though.” He smiled meekly at him. It felt so strange to be having this conversation with the man he had worked so hard to escape all those years ago. It felt as if he had been tossed into a reality apart from his own and he was just acting the part of that other John Dorian.

    The hand on his back lingered. “Stop being a handful.  Just eat a bit then we will call it a day okay? You're like a stick.” David's fingers trailed his spine and he tried not to vomit. “I can feel every bone on you. You really haven't  changed much since you left. Well, except this.” The hand moved from his back and ruffled his hair. “There. It's like you're 17 again..” Dorian’s jaw ached from how hard he grit his teeth to keep himself quiet. He knew that look in the older man's  eyes. He needed to go. JD had just begun to reach for his phone when David grabbed his wrist. “What are you doing there, John?”

    “I-” He didn't  need to finish his poorly thought out reasoning though, because his beaming and drenched girlfriend had suddenly burst through the door. JD’s wrist was dropped and Fratelli straightened to greet her.

    “Kim! Welcome back! Would you like something to eat? We have some extra tacos leftover in the bag.” 

     She shook her head, “I'm  fine thank you, David. Me and- And my friend had lunch already.” Kim shook her umbrella out and hung it alongside her coat. “Did you two enjoy yourselves? It must've  been so exciting to see each other again after so long. I'm sad I had to miss it.”

     “It was surprising.” JD allowed and wheeled himself away from the table. “I'm going to go lay down for a bit..”

     “You sure? David just got here and-” She stopped as Fratelli raised a hand to interrupt her.

     “It’s fine really. I should be getting back to my sister now anyways. I need to grab a few things at the store. The Walmart is on 5th, correct?”

      “Yeah.”

       “Sounds good.” Fratelli packed up his things and pulled the corners of his mouth up into a grin. “Well, I'll  be on my way. Have a good one.” 

       “You too! Stay safe out there.” She waved to him from the doorway. The outside world was drenched and flooding slowly but she couldn't  help but feel joy as she saw color return to the things around her doorstep. No matter how old or how sunbleached it was, the rains rejuvenative touch brought them back to life and made a beautiful picture around her.

        The heavy older man stepping down in his grey coat and black ball cap became apart of that picture as he turned around and waved back at her. “I will see you all very soon!” He called over the roar of the storm. She heard another noise from within her house but she payed it no mind. She chose rather to watch as David shambled off. A gray blob in her colorful  mosaic. 

        ‘Maybe this will be just the thing JD needs to get over his distance lately. It’d be good for him to have a positive male role model outside of the usual bunch.’ She hoped as she turned in and rubbed her abdomen. “You don't  worry though, Sammy. It will work out somehow. It always does.”


	11. My Return to    "Normality"

 

 

    A crowd had formed in the last few minutes since he had sunken into the ancient office chairs of the nurse’s station and he didn’t have to look up to figure out why. The idiots he worked alongside wouldn’t stop talking about this moment since the first rumour flew into the hospital and spread like wildfire. Like raving conspiracy theorists, they all came up for their own explanations behind their very own Dr.Dorian’s short-lived disappearance and hospitalization.

Some claimed he was killed by his hormonal fiance-to-be, others believe he was faking to get out of work and considered doing the same, but one of his favorites had to be one lesser known theory by their mortician who revealed to him in full confidence that he believed JD to have died during his stay at Sacred Heart and was now an undead being who would linger here until he was finished. With what, Doug did not reveal.

So when the pale twenty-seven year old rolled into the hospital’s front entrance wearing his usual scrubs and wrapped in various bandages, the sheep couldn’t help but flock to him and seek out their answers. Usually Cox would have laughed at the overwhelmed and shocked face of his younger peer, but the file in his hand kept him from that. It was frustratingly thin after his endless searching and investigating and the small amount of paperwork he did have was worn and bore nothing but circumstantial evidence at best. There was nothing of use that he could force the doctor into his care for, to his great disappointment.

Distant. Insomnia. Lack of appetite. Lowered labido. Divots on hand previous to accident. Jumpy...

He could list John’s symptoms by heart. Hell. He could even sing them if he wanted to. And yet he couldn’t find that one final bit of information that would tie it all together no matter how he rearranged them or looked at it. The last solid piece of evidence that would prove his theory to have been correct.

“Doctor Dorian!” A stern voice called over the barrage of questions. “I need to speak with you for a minute!” Perry Cox looked up to find the Dean of Medicine a few feet away from him and watched as the crowd suddenly parted to allow the doctor in question to pass through. “The rest of you!” More than a dozen heads turned. “Get back to work!” The crowd dispersed with a few angry grumbles, leaving them as alone as one could find themselves in Sacred Heart.

Cox would never admit it but he was relieved to see JD looking a little better since he was discharged two days prior. His hair was tamed, his clothes covered most of his more prominent injuries and his eyes looked almost alive again. The only part he wasn’t able to conceal besides his wheelchair was the roadrash that lay heavily across the left side of his face, particularly on his cheek and brow, and the dark bags under his eyes. If it weren't for Kim noting her boyfriend’s weight loss when he spoke to her last, he likely wouldn’t have noticed the thinness of his face along with everything else going on.“Good morning, sir!” He chirped and smiled up at Dr.Kelso. “What’s up?”

The hospital lawyer shuffled the pile of papers in his arms around before locating his target. “W-well, Doctor Dorian. According to code 7783c-”

“Shut up, Ted.” Kelso cut Ted off. “ Let’s give you the short version shall we?” JD nodded. “Good.  To put it simply, due to your recent injury and your current state we can’t risk any malpractice suits from your patients so we are assigning Dr…” He snatched the paper from the lawyer’s hand and glanced at the name roughly scrawled across it. “-Dr.Elliot Reid to join you on your rounds until I see fit to remove her.” Cox didn’t envy the kid. Nothing but Blondie every day and all shift at that? Christ if Dorian didn’t want to kill himself before..

JD’s eyes met his between the two men  in front of him and he seemed to be deciding something. Cox quickly dropped his own gaze with a frown, he really didn’t want to listen to the doctor’s endless babbling while he was trying to work and if he stared at him too long that is exactly what would happen. Perry could see him in his peripheral linger a moment longer before looking back at the man addressing him. “Got it. Is she in yet?”

“She is.”

“I think she is talking with the Janitor down the hall.” Ted offered. “Or maybe she was upstairs… Or maybe-” He stammered suddenly unsure of himself.

“Not with me.” Janitor called and made Cox jump in his seat. How the hell did he get behind him?

“Thanks, Ted.” Dorian gave him a sympathetic look as he was dragged away by Kelso who was off to berate yet another unsuspecting staff member.

“Watch yourself, Dorian… You may think you're quite the hot shot now but if you track mud in on those wheels of yours you _will_ be sorry.” JD ignored him and rolled away with a strange look on his face. “So…” The towering custodian leaned on his mop and smirked at the already glowering doctor. “When were you planning on letting me in on your stalking of scooter over there? I thought we were friends.”

“I am not stalking her and we are not friends. I would sooner name Jadis my youngest’s godfather before I call you even an acquaintance.”

“That’s not what I hear.. Especially when only my _dearest_ friends get to see..” He pulled a trash bag off his cart. “These.” Before Cox could shoot a sarcastic remark his way he lifted a finger to silence him and opened the bag. “The idiot doctor’s diary, laptop, mostly-burned scrubs, and in my van I have the real Rowdy.”

Perry couldn’t hide his surprise at the man’s collection. Nor his eagerness to take it from him. “What do you want for the diary and laptop?” He reached for the black plastic but it was pulled away at the last moment.

“Diary isn’t for sale. His daily entries, drawings and oh god the poems-!” He laughed. “Priceless! I go to sleep with a smile each night because of this.” He waved the unicorn cover-bearing notebook in the air.

“Fine.” Cox fought the urge to punch the man. “So what do you want for the laptop?”

Janitor straightened up to his full height and lifted his dry mop in the air like a sword.“ **First and foremost!** ” He crowed with a sudden stoic air to his voice. “I want that doctor-coat you got on. You and I are about the same torso size and it would be useful for future.. -Plans. **Secondly** , you are going to pay for my every meal for 2 years at the cafeteria. Breakfast, lunch, second lunch, third snack, pre-dinner, the whole shebang. **Lastly~!** I can and will be able to borrow your car no questions asked anytime I want. Is this a deal you can accept, good sir?”

“3 meals a day for 1 year, my coat and you can only borrow it on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” He countered.

“Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, 3 meals and a snack for a year,  plus the coat.” He held out a hand. “So how about it, _friend_?”

Cox sighed and shook his hand. “Hand it over.”

“Wondrous!”

000

A little while had passed and Cox, now free of his coat, was attempting to unlock JD's computer while Carla peered over his shoulder. “Try…  Password .”

[Incorrect password please try again. 4 Attempt(s) remaining.]

“What about  Rowdy  ? No? Try  Turk  then.”

[Incorrect password please try again. 2 Attempt(s) remaining.]

“Damn..” She cursed then jerked the laptop from his hands and hid it under the desk.

“What the hell ar-”

“Hiii, JD! How can I help you?” Cox said nothing as Dorian pulled closer to them. “Where's Elliot? I thought you guys are working rounds together?”

“That's actually why I'm here. I'm trying to avoid her. It was nice having her help me at first but after a while..” He shook his head.

“Her controlling side took over?”

“Completely took over!” JD let out an exasperated huff. “Do you guys know of a place I could go where she won't find me as easily?”

Carla smiled as her own Elliot escape room came to mind. She loved her best friend dearly but sometimes she needed to be alone a while. Especially when wedding planning is involved. “On the second floor there is the maternity ward. You could help out there and no one will bother you. All the doctor's ignore you unless they are recruiting for nurses.”

“Great. Thanks, Carla.” He grinned.

She smiled proudly back at him. “Anytime. Now you better hurry because she will probably be here any minute to rant about you. See you later,JD.” With Dorian gone she slid out the laptop once more and handed it to the doctor beside her. “Sorry if I caught your fingers in there. Didn't want him catching us.”

“It's fine.” A new idea came to mind and he tapped briskly over the keys. “Got it.”

“So why do you have JD's laptop again?”

“...” He blocked out her question and scanned through Dorian's open tabs and files. She rapped her fingers impatiently next to him.

“Fine, don't tell me. I will find out later though. I always do.” She looked out over at the waiting area where families and patients alike sat eagerly awaiting a consult. Her eyes light up in recollection as she saw a patient who closely resembled her friend. “I should have told JD to visit Kim and David while he was in the maternity wing! I can't believe I didn't think of that when I was talking to him earlier. She's getting one of her last third trimester check ups done today too. I am so stupid!” She covered her face with a hand.

“She will likely see them there anyways. You're not stupid.” He muttered as he read. “Madeline is probably with them planning out outfits to wear to the birth as we speak. Probably something so vibrant we will need to give her kid sunglasses when she holds him for the first time..” He clicked on the draft folder of John's emails. 'Here we go. Finally.’

He found 5 unsent messages addressed to friends and family. One to Christopher Turk, one to Daniel Dorian, two for Sam Perry Gilligan Dorian,... And one to Perry Cox. The cursor lingered a second over his message before finally clicking it.

“Cox? Cox, are you alright?” A hand on his arm made him finally look away from the note.

“What? Oh, yeah.. I'm just-. I'm fine.” He closed the computer and ran a hand through his hair. “How long was I reading?”

“About twenty minutes..” Her voice was quiet and full of worry as she saw the rare sight of Cox without his usual uncaring demeanor and instead was barely managing to compose himself into a relatively calm one. “Where are you going?”

“I need to find JD.”

“Do you.. -want any help?”

“No. Thank you.” He left the laptop behind  and walked quickly down the corridors without another word. ‘I was right. I was fucking right.’ He ran into a few passing doctors who yell obscenities at him over their shoulders but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything other than finding Dorian as soon as possible before he found himself on their operating table once again.

“Dr.Cox!” He had just entered the Maternity wing and considered ignoring the stranger when he realized who it was.

“David.” Relief washed over him. “Have you seen Dorian? He came this way about half an hour ago.”

The older man crossed his arms. “Yeah. I did. Is he in trouble or somethin’?”

“No. I just need to talk to him.”

The ex-coach smiled, “Glad to hear. I think he said he was gonna grab something for Kim from one of the rooms down this hall here.” He pointed behind him. “You doin’ alright, Dr.Cox? Looks like you might be coming down with something.”

“I'm good. Thank you for your help.” He tilted his head in appreciation then turned the corner.

**Tap. Tap-tap. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap...**

His steps echoed through the largely empty stretch of hallway. Every door before him was opened wide, welcoming in any passersby. Every door except one.

He opened the sealed door slowly and quietly, half expecting someone to lunge out after him.

Inside the room and sitting on the floor nearest to the window was JD. His hair was disheveled and the waistband of his pants was slid down a short ways on one side. For some reason he didn't seem to notice his entering or presence but rather remained mostly motionless with his face in his hands.. 'He must have fallen off of his chair reaching for something.’ He made his way across the room and crouched down beside him. “JD..” Cox reached forwards and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“ N-!” Dorian jumped and jerked away. His hands now pulled away from his face to reveal a tear-streaked and fear-filled face looking back at him. “Cox? Wh-.. What are you..?”

Cox stood back up and went over to his other side to lift up the upturned wheelchair. Once it was repositioned and adjusted correctly he parked it at JD's feet and looked down at him with a darkness in his eyes. “I know what you did. And you know I can't just let that slide.” He held out his arms, offering to help him into his chair. The younger doctor avoided his gaze but accepted the help cautiously. “I found your notes..” Dorian tried to hide his cringe in pain as he sat himself in the chair. “So until we can figure out why you tried to kill yourself, are sure you won't do it again, and get a psych consult, we are going to have you on suicide watch. It won't be pleasant but it is necessary.”

Cox paged his colleagues and grabbed the handles of Dorian's chair. “Is there anything you want to tell me before they get here? Like why you did it?” Dorian shook his head. “Okay… How about why you were in here? David said you were grabbing something?” He noticed now a slight tremble going through the young adult's body and how his hands were in tight balls. “No..? We will just wait then.”

**Stiff fingers twitch as a corpse slowly comes back to life within its padded, sweat-soaked tomb. ‘The bus...’ His eyes rolled forwards and opened unwillingly. The eerie darkness around him was blurred and only interrupted by the intrusive light of a cracked doorway. ‘If I don’t hurry I will miss it.’ Dark, disheveled locks of hair adjusted upon his head and fell in front of his face as he forced himself to twist onto his stomach.**

**“I need to-..” His head bobbed loosely on his neck, his body rebelled against his mind as he tried to sit up. Once he fell, then again. It wasn’t until his third try that he was able to remain upright. “I need to go..” Dorian’s gaze fell on his crumpled clothing and he shuddered. “Can’t.. think.. About that..” He squeezed his eyes shut to force the images out and grasped his clothing blindly. “Gotta get home..” Using the pile of wrestling mats for support, he managed to get to his feet and began to pull his shorts over his lower half. As much as he tried not to, his eyes quickly fell upon the trail of handprints along his pale legs and torso. A sob gurgled in his ragged throat but he didn’t let it escape his lips.** **_Crying isn’t how you ask for help, Johnny. It actually makes people want to help you less. You have to_ ** **ask** **_for help if you want it._ ** **His mother’s voice echoed in his mind.**

**No matter the situation she was always the one he had turned to and she always knew what to do. He just had to get to her one more time. ‘Don’t cry, just move.’ He ordered himself as he shambled forwards on loose legs and dragging feet.**

**John Dorian slid out of the opening with squinted eyes that darted about anxious for any possible sign of his coach’s return. Contented after he came up with nothing he continued warily forwards; only to bump a nearby bench while reaching for his backpack sending his empty Dixie cup and Fratelli’s bottle to the floor. He felt his body go cold as the non-descript liquid seeped out from the rim and pooled at his feet. Tears rimmed his vision and he stumbled backwards away from it with one slightly-soaked sock.**

**There, in the room next to his, he heard the distinct creaking of a door opening. He didn’t allow himself to wallow in his own thoughts any longer and escaped the athletics building, ambling forwards as fast as his agonized, thin frame would allow.**

**“Wait-.” His weak voice croaked out as the last few students meandered into the school bus. “WAIT! PLEASE!” He waved his hands frantically just as the bus doors closed a foot away from him. “Please!”**

**The bus driver gave him a deadly look but after a moment’s hesitation, opened the doors and allowed him in. “I’m not a limo service. I won’t wait on you again after today, got it? I don’t give a damn who you were “grabbing books” for. I won’t have it.”**

**“Y-yes, sir. Sor-” He coughed roughly and felt pain tear through his entire being. “Sorry.” The grey-haired driver’s eyes narrowed but he said nothing more as Dorian took his place among the rest of his peers and sat silently for the whole extent of his fifteen minute ride.**

**“Dorian. This is you. Move it.” The thirteen year old nodded his thanks and eased himself down the vehicles steps and onto the sidewalk in front of his house.**

**‘Finally.’ He breathed out a sigh of relief. “Mom? I’m home..” He felt a strange sensation but chose to ignore it. “Mom?”**

**“In here.” He heard a slightly slurred voice call from down the hall. He  shrugged off his pack and joined her in the living room.**

**“Why are you late?” Dan inquired and looked up from the floor beneath the TV as his mother’s half-lidded eyes met his as well.**

**“I- I-..”He averted his eyes and could feel his face flush in shame. “Mom can I- Can I talk to you?..Alone?” His voice was no more than a whisper now and barely understandable with it’s shaking. The feeling was back now and more intense. He adjusted the seat of his pants uncomfortably.**

**John flinched as a hand grasped his chin and turned his head to the side. “Mom?” He wasn’t sure what to expect but he sure hadn’t expected that or the flare of anger now lighting in Barbara Dorian’s face.**

**“You- You don’t need to tell me anything, John. I already know.” She snorted with both slight amusement and disgust. “That hickey on your neck says it all. Seems you are more like your father than I thought.” She drank the last bit of her wine cooler out of the can at the mention of her ex and tossed it onto the floor, narrowly missing her elder son’s head in doing so. “Got yourself your first girlfriend then, huh? Or is this just a one time thing?”**

**“It wasn’t like that, I-”**

**“Yeah,** **_sure_ ** **it wasn’t. Can you explain how you lost your shoes then? And don’t- Don’t say, “you didn’t leave with any” because I know I saw you wearing those awful neon sneakers this morning.” The 15 year old at her feet chuckled.**

**“Mom-” He clenched his fists and felt tears build up and spill over his cheeks.**

**“No, Sa-.. John. Don’t start. Just go to your room for a while. I can’t deal with your shit right now. I already have enough on my plate with work and everything else. I don’t need any of this as well.” She waved him off. “Oh! And you better think of some way to get those shoes back. I am not buying you a new pair anytime soon.” Barbara called after him as he slunk away defeated.**

**He sniffled and rubbed at his face as he closed his door. “Wha-” He looked at his hands in shock as he noticed red streaks along them. He pressed a hand to his aching backside again and looked down to find fresh blood in the middle of his palm. He gasped out a sob. Panic began set in when his freshly removed pants revealed a dark crimson stain. Everything started to spin slightly and he held his bedpost steadfastly as he tried desperately to calm himself. ‘It’s fine. I will just put tissue in my shorts and it will go away. I don’t need Mom’s help for that.’ He felt a new trickle run down his leg and stain his now more-gray-than-white socks. ‘I don’t-’ Spots dotted his vision and the ruined denim wrinkled in his fist. “It- It will all be fine.”**

 

“...Cox..?”

“Yeah?”

“Fr-” Before he could finish Turk burst into the room, pager in hand.

“Hey, Cox! What do you need? Oh hi,  JD! Wow you guys look like shit! What happened?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. My Wrong Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate my upcoming 1 year on this site I've decided to give you all an extra chapter this month! Enjoy and don't worry, another will come as regularly scheduled next month as well.

-3 1/2 hours earlier-   
  


  
 Throwing his cheap comforter aside, he reached a hand out blindly and silenced the grating chimes of the landline. It was 8:30 in the morning and about time he started his day.   
  
 “Ghhh~!” He stretched out his aching back and got to his feet. The one thing he longed for above all else at that moment was a cup of coffee and his own mattress rather than the petri dish the hotel provided. Speaking of his things.. He pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket and dialed the first number on his list.  **1Martha Fratelli**   
  
 The line rang three times and on the fourth he was greeted with a long yawn. He laughed, “Why hello to you to.”   
  
 “Huh? Oh! I’m sorry, Hon’. I barely caught a wink last night with me helping handle the twins and all. They still refuse to sleep ‘less one of us is holding them so me, Frank and Carol took it in shifts. We each got about 4 hours in the end and yet I still can’t seem to wake up.” He moved the phone from one ear to the other as he shaved his face and tucked in his polo. “I am even considering recalling my ban on soda in the house if that doesn’t tell you something.”   
  
 “It does,” David chuckled. His wife’s hatred for the carbonated drinks was well known in his family, and when his step-daughter and son-in-law returned to their home once their little bundles were born she only seemed more deadset in her standing against them. “If it’s becoming too much for ya I can come home early. I doubt my boss will fight me much over it…”   
  
 “No, no, don’t do that. Thank you, Davey, but I will be alright. You stay there and make a good impression and maybe he will let you take off that extra week in May for your fishing trip.” She reassured him from halfway across the country. “Speakin’ of which, how’ve things been so far? I still don’t understand why all your business trips have to be so gosh darn far away but I guess there must be some good reason or they wouldn’t do them that way, huh?”   
  
 “It’s easier for the executives, I think, “he improvised smoothly. “And it’s been nice considering my having to be away from you all so long. I managed to get ahold of an old friend of mine yesterday. You shoulda seen the look on his face when he saw me. ‘Was like he’d seen a ghost or somethin’!” A wide smile formed on his lips as guffaws escaped him once more, the memory of John’s face coming to mind.   
  
 “I’m glad to hear that.” Martha’s voice went from normal to a coo as he heard cloth shift and babbling nearby. “Say  hi to grandpa, Anthony! Hiii, c’mon~, say hiii..”   
  
 “Ge-ge-ge..” The 7 month old mumbled.   
  
 “Alright, Pumpkin, I got to get to my meeting so I need to let you go.”   
  
 “Okay.” He noted the small hint of forlorn in her response. Love you!”   
  
 “Love you too. Talk to you soo-” David stopped mid-sentence as a small, enthusiastic voice interrupted his.   
  
 “Wuh you!”   
  
 “I love you too, Anthony. Bye, bye.” He shut his phone and stepped out of the taxi, stuffing a twenty in the expectant hand of his driver and facing the brunt of the brisk morning. “Kimberely!”   
  
 The mother-to-be turned around just as she was about to enter Sacred Heart and grinned at him. “David! I didn’t think you’d come. I’m glad you did though!” She hobbled over to him and hugged him a moment.   
  
 “And why wouldn’t I?” He asked lightly as he pulled away.   
  
 “Well, most people around here would pass on waking up this early just to wander around a hospital with a eurologist in tow.”   
  
 He tilted his head forwards in consideration. “True, but then most people would also be missing out on a very big part of both your lives.” Kim’s eyes darkened at this and sadness tainted her smile. “Now don’t you start worrying yourself there, Kim. It’s not good for the kid. I will make sure the little guy’s dad finds the time to break away from his work for a little while to be with you guys during the ultrasound and the important bits.”   
  
 She thought about what he said a moment before smiling slightly as she was comforted some by his words.   
  
 “Good. Now, let’s go worry about something that we can actually address right now. Breakfast.” With a hand guiding her on her back, he led her inside.   
  
 “Kim, David! What’re you two doing here? You feeling okay?” Carla skidded to a halt before them as her eyes took inventory of the two.   
  
 “I’m getting my last prenatal check-in today. It feels so real now. I mean-. I’m going to be a mother..” Disbelief colored her tone as she dropped her hand back to her rounded abdomen. “Carla, were you ever like.. Nervous when you had Isabella? Or am I just crazy?”

 

   The nurse smiled and traded a knowing look with Fratelli. “No, you’re not crazy. I think everyone feels that way. Especially with their first baby. For example, Turk was so nervous I sometimes had to pawn him off on JD for a few hours to get him to calm down. It was the only thing that seemed to do so. And that’s not even mentioning when he got his arm caught in a vending machine while I was giving birth.”   
  
 Her last comment awarded her with light chuckles from Kim and Fratelli mouthing his thanks. “Anyways, what time is your appointment? Is it with Dr. Matthews? He’s the best gynecologist I have ever come across. He has the three most important traits: he’s respectful, he’s knowledgeable and he’s hot enough to cook off of.” She winked. “Though to be fair, Turk never did like him much.”   
  
 “JD seems to like him so far. And me and David need to meet with Matthews at 10, after we grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria. Is there any fish or anything strong smelling being made right now? I can’t be in anything too intense or I-“ She imitated herself gagging.   
  
 “No, you’re safe. You better hurry though, the line can get long around this time and you may have to rush if you want to make your appointment on time.” The duo took this as their cue to leave and began to move along the walkway. “Message me later and let me know how it goes.”   
  
 “Will do!” Kim called over her shoulder with a newfound sense of confidence and a sudden intense craving for pineapple.   
  


                                      000   
  
  
 “Ohhh…” She pushed her food aside, nausea seeming to overtake her. “Sammy is not a fan of hospital eggs.” This was the fourth item “he” had rejected and Fratelli’s patience was wearing thin.   
  
 “Take my food then. I already ate with my sister earlier.” She hesitated out of common courtesy before stealing his oatmeal off his tray. He checked his watch. “We need to get moving in 5. Do you need to drop by the powder room?” She shook her head and mixed the hot water into the dehydrated mound in her styrofoam bowl.   
  
 He tried to distract himself from his increased irritation by letting his eyes wander out the cafeteria’s entryway and into the bustling hospital floor just beyond. Nothing quite caught his interest for a while as he watched the nervous or despondent medical staff meander past. That is, until his tired eyes caught sight of a doctor clad in dark navy scrubs and black long sleeves rolling in a wheelchair down the hall just a few dozen feet away. David felt a sudden eagerness and a deep, almost-animalistic hunger course through him that made the skin of his forearms crawl and made it difficult to pretend to care about what the woman before him was prattling on about. He had to wait, he knew. There was no point to impulsiveness. And yet…   
  
 “-So I told him that next time it wouldn’t just be his socks that end up pink.” Kim chuckled to herself as she rewound her hair into a bun. “David?”   
  
“...Yeah, what is it?” His eyes moved unwillingly back to hers.   
  
 “Maybe we should get going, is that okay?”   
  
 “Yeah, alright.” His chair creaked as he pushed away from the cafeteria table and did so again a few minutes late when he readjusted himself outside the hospital room’s door while Kim was probed and prodded on the other side.   
  
 11:37am. The middle-aged man sighed and slid the sleeve of his windbreaker back over his wrist.   
  
 “What’s with these doctors and taking so damn long to get anything done.” He grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms on his stomach. “Took him forty just to get here and now this? Christ.” One of his legs bounced with nervous energy.   
  
   11:40am. “I swear if I miss hi-”   
  
 “David?” A young, shaggy-haired head popped out of the doorway. “You can come in now if you like. We are just checking little Samuel’s growth and heart rate.” He followed Dr. Matthews in begrudgingly.   
  
 Kim was on the table with her shirt pulled up part of the way to reveal her swollen abdomen and after the doctor showed him his seat Matthews pressed the probe against the base of the bulge. The monitor shifted and came to life with the black and gray image of an infant. Fratelli’s eyes widened and Kimberly’s filled with relieved tears.   
  
 He had seen this same scene with his first son, then his second and later discovered a new take on things with his two grandkids, but it never failed to awe him each time. The human ability to bear and deliver a child, how the body can fix breaks and tears like they never existed in the first place, the way each body can be pushed in amazing ways that many couldn’t ever imagine. And how, most intriguing of all, each person has their own individual and final breaking point -both physically and mentally- that they can’t recover from.   
  
 “There’s Sam’s heartbeat..” A steady pulsing beat filled the room. “Sounds good.”   
  
 “Thank God..”   
  
 Mathews twisted around and dug about in a drawer of the machine for something. “Now let’s-”   
  
 “Dr. Matthews?” He smiled at his patient. Kim dropped her gaze a little with a self conscious blush. “Would it be alright with you if we did the rest of the tests now and did the measurements when my boyfriend comes? I just really want him to be here for this and I can have David grab him while we do everything else.”   
  
 The gynecologist didn’t seem bothered in the slightest by the common request, he merely looked to the other man in the room with an open look in his eyes. “Are you okay with doing that, David? We can send a nurse instead if you like.”   
  
 “No, not at all.” His heartbeat raised a little. “I’ll be right back.” He left with a simple wave to Kim and a smirk on his lips.   
  
 ‘Finally.’ He hiked up his pants and laid down his thinning hair. ‘Might be best to start with Cox. He's been keepin’ a sharp eye out for John lately so he of all people should know where he's at. Or maybe I should stop in on that idiot surgeon..’ He was weighing his options while heading out of the Maternity Wing when something metal caught his eye to his left.   
  
 When he looked over and realized what he was seeing, the heavy man had to fight the urge to either laugh or pray. It was all just too easy.   
  
 Sitting there in his wheelchair halfway down a largely abandoned hallway was John Dorian, who at the moment was distracted and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. ‘He must be off in the clouds again’, Fratelli guessed when he still failed to notice the large man silently but quickly closing in behind him. David’s already-present smile grew only larger as he grabbed the handles of the chair and shoved forwards, making its passenger yelp in surprise at the sudden movement.   
  
 “Oh-.. Um, Elliot, hello,” JD laughed nervously as he was pushed into an empty room. David released the chair and closed the door behind him. “I hope you know I wasn’t trying to avoid you earlier or anything I-” He twisted his chair around and David took great joy in the realization that dawned in the younger man’s face as he watched. “Coach. Well, uh, h-hey..?”   
  
 He chose to not reply but rather crossed his arms and leaned against the door. This was going to be a lot of fun he could already tell.   
  
 “...” Panic. It was alive and well in John’s heart as he tried to discreetly find an exit. “I know you probably want to catch up and all about our lives but sadly I have a.. “ His voice gave out as David stepped towards him. “-I have a patient I need to see. He isn’t doing too hot and I really have to go.”   
  
 “Oh?” His old student guided his chair backwards a little with trembling hands.   
  
 “Y-yeah. So, can I please get by you?” JD’s voice was barely louder than a whisper now and that look in his eyes.. David felt a shiver go through him.   
  
 “Hmm… I would have to say.. No. This is a hospital, John, your patient will be fine.” Before he could move any further away from him, Fratelli’s hands shot out and pinned his to the wheels they were wrapped around. “So let’s just enjoy this time together while we have it.”   
  
  
   Terrified tears bordered his eyes as he desperately tried to free his hands. “D-don’t..”   
  
 The 48 year old leaned forwards slowly to cherish the look in his eyes.   
  
 “Don-!” His lips crushed against John’s unwilling ones and he could feel the young man jerk within his grip. He never understood the closing-your-eyes-while-you-kiss-someone trope, how else can you see the full extent of their reaction except with them open? Like in this case, with his eyes open he can see salt water fall down the reddened cheeks of his companion as well as feel his ragged breaths on his face.   
  
 “Fuck.” Dorian managed to slide his right hand out of the other man's sweaty palm and with speed and precision his coach could even be proud of, he curled it into a tight ball and threw it directly into David’s throat as hard as he could.   
  
 Fratelli gasped and coughed as he stumbled back, hands clawing at his throat. JD took his chance and made for the door. ‘I’m not letting it end like this. Not after all the shit I’ve had to do to get here.’ When the chair was just barely passing him, there was a loud bang as boot met metal and sent the wheelchair flying over onto its side. John hit the wall and was knocked out of the chair's confines before landing with a pained cry on the floor.   
  
 “Guh!” Fratelli finally managed to heave a deep breath through his now relaxed esophagus and wandered to where JD lay curled in on himself beneath a wide window. He seemed to be holding his arms around his ribs in a death-grip as though it were the only thing keeping them from falling out.  “Why..?” He lost his breath and tried once more. “Why is it you always fight me? Why can't we just get along like reasonable people without you gettin’ all hysterical on me everytime?”   
  
 JD couldn't do much more than groan in agony on the carpet in response. Fratelli shook his head and squatted in front of him. John's tried to gingerly shift his body away but only managed a few inches before the wall stopped him.   
  
 “You're just like my second son when I try to get him to go to church..” He got hold of each of the doctor’s upper arms and pinned his squirming body down. “He fights tooth and nail to not go at first.. But by the time I get him after the Preacher has finished his sermons he is having such a grand time he doesn't want to leave.”   
  
 He felt Dorian attempt to lift his torso beneath him before collapsing back down a few seconds later. David chuckled at his pathetic grasps towards freedom. “Maybe if you ate something once in a while you could actually get away. Luckily for me though, you are scrawny enough that I can do this-” He leaned forwards and held him down with only one forearm and hand over his chest. “See? Now I have a free hand I can do whatever like with. Clever, huh?”   
  
 JD didn't look too good. His face had gone pale with sweat beading where the road rash was minimal. He seemed to be trying to say something while his rebelling eyes flutter closed on their own accord, before he managed to edge them back open. Though he saw less and less each time he did so.   
  
 “Ah no, c'mon, John! Don't faint on me now. You're not that pathetic are you?” He frowned at his captive. “Here let me help you wake up some.”   
  
 Just as his fingers lifted his shirt a little Dorian's eyes flew open and Fratelli barely avoided a knee to the groin. Anger ignited in him and he moved his arm from John's chest to his throat and pressed down. “Don't like that much yourself do you, huh? So stop being so fucking ungrateful for a second and just let me help you. It took me an entire day to get here and over a decade to find you and I think-” He abandoned his theatrics and chose instead to simply jerk away the clothing from the younger man's ravaged body. “I deserve a little  _ thanks _ for my efforts.”   
  
 “I'm sorry..” Tears rolled out of his half-lidded eyes as his words slurred. “I'm sorry for leaving. Just please-! Stop... it.” His eyes rolled back and he went limp under Fratelli's body.   
  
 Though it wasn't how he had quite hoped it to be and he was a little disappointed by the lack of expression now on the face of the unconscious Dorian, it was still enough for him to stick around. And more than enough for him to enjoy.   
  


  
                                     000   
  
  
 Sweat clung to his back as he righted himself. His body was no longer as young as it used to be and he was feeling every bit of that now. Fratelli shoved the wheelchair next to him out of his way and got to his feet. 'Damn it..’ He rolled his shoulder within the joint.‘I wish I could be thirty again. It was so easy to get my shit done and get home without my bones aching like I'm eighty. And this dumbass kid doesn't even know how good he has it.’ He scoffed at the man at his feet.     
  
 “Enjoy your life while you can, John. It passes you by in a blink of an eye.” He stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. “Now. Gotta get back to Kim. Hopefully they drugged her up some. I don't know if I can handle anymore of her bitching..”   
  
 David had just stepped out of the hall when a very flustered Dr. Cox just about plowed him down in his hurry. “Cox. ... Dr. Cox!”   
  
 “David.” Perry slowed immediately and retraced his steps back to him. Although he had only known the man a few days, even he could see the change in the man and it worried him some. “Have you seen Dorian? He came this way about a half hour ago.”   
  
 An image of JD's terrified wide eyes and the limp heap he was left in just a few minutes before jumped into his mind's focus. “Yeah. I did.” He said cautiously and crossed his arms. “Is he in trouble or somethin’?” 'What do you know?’   
  
 “No,” Cox pinched the bridge of his nose and tapped his foot anxiously. “I just need to talk with him.”   
  
 ‘He doesn't know.’ He smiled at him sympathetically. “'Glad to hear. I think he was gonna grab something for Kim from one of the rooms down this hall here.” He motioned behind him. “You sure you're alright, Dr. Cox? Looks like you might be coming down with something.”   
  
 “I'm good. Thank you for your help.” He waved him off, already stalking down the hall with determination in his eyes. 'Guess I don't have to worry about cleaning up my mess now. That's convenient.’   
  
 “How are you doin’ there, Kim? You done already?” The pinched look on her face only tightened and she readjusted the strap of her purse uncomfortably as grew closer.   
  
 “David, did you find him?”   
  
 He nodded solemnly, “That boy of yours said he couldn't leave. Well with his work not being done yet and all, he didn't want to leave his patients. Sorry, doll, maybe next time.”   
  
 “But-! But there isn't a next time.” The barely-kept mask of indifference she had been wearing previously broke and her hormones took control, sending angry, frustrated tears down her face. “Why couldn't he just-”, she sniffled. “-He just leave them with Cox? He knew this was the last one! He knew it was important-!” Fratelli shrugged slightly and patted her shoulder. “Is it because I'm a bad girlfriend? Is it because I'm huge?”   
  
 “No, stop that, Kim. You know that's not the case. How about I take you home and get some real food in you?” She nodded like a child between sobs and rubbed her face. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and urged her gently forwards. “I know that you had hoped for him to be here but well.. Men will be men and sometimes we forget ourselves. He will realize his mistake soon enough.”   
  
 The blonde in his arm hiccuped out another sob but thanked him. “D-Do you want to go watch Friends with me until JD gets home? It'd be nice to have the company and I am worried about driving home while I'm like this. He gets off in an hour so it won't be long.”   
  
 “I don't know what Friends is but it sounds like a riot. I'd be happy to wait with ya.” The two friends left the hospital together with grins and laughter, while at that very same moment John Dorian awoke to find himself alone and filthy in the heart of the hospital.


	13. My Shaky First Steps

 When he opened his eyes.. It was a blindingly bright and painful reality. One where he wasn't allowed to leave and the man waiting patiently at the foot of his bed expected answers. One where he was being hunted.

 

 But as they closed, he was thrown into another.  **There was the smell of rain, the rush of wind through his hair and the sound of tires squealing on slick asphalt. Here he was entirely alone on a dark road with only one exception rushing towards him. A set of headlights that grew larger and larger. It hurt some here but he knew soon that would all change. Freedom awaited him and it would only take a few seconds more to meet it.**

 

**Adrenalin rushed through him as he could now see the panicked face of the van’s driver. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards and he closed his eyes. One minute he was standing there awaiting his fate and the next he was in the air. Flying..? Falling? He couldn't be sure.**

 

 “Newbie.” He ignored the voice. “Newbie, open up. We have to talk.” Knowing full well that if he didn't by choice he would be made to, John Dorian complied. Annoyance building as he was forced to return to his hospital bed rather than his road.

 

 There it was again. Pity. The attending’s shadowed eyes were full of it. As were everyone else's that stopped by to see him. The only one who had yet to even show his face was Turk. Where was he? Did he hate him?

 

 “I'm not leaving until you cut the crap and tell me what's going on. I already made it clear to Bob-o that I'm not seeing any of my patient's until I find out; so unless you want a few patients’ blood on your hands, I suggest you spill it.” 

 

 He scratched nervously at the scabs on his arm. “...Okay.”

 

 Cox smiled with relief, he had expected more of a fight. The younger man had yet to even make eye contact with him since he had found him the night before and the apprehension coming off of him was almost palatable. “Here, how about this. I will ask you some questions and you answer them honestly for me. I'll keep it easy at first but..” He had to tread carefully he knew, one misspoken word or phrase could make him lock down all over again and he wasn't sure he could break him back out of his shell if he did.

 

 Dorian allowed him a hesitant nod.

 

 Cox opened the chart in his hands and skimmed through its contents. “Alright, so it says here you  now weigh only 139 pounds.. You’ve always been on the scrawnier side but this is extreme. Can you tell me why you’ve lost so much weight?” 139? He hadn’t realized he had lost that much. He knew that he had lost some weight since he had neglected to eat more often than not. But a jump this large… 

 

**The skin of his face and limbs slammed against the asphalted ground and were torn away as his limp body half-slid, half-tumbled over it. A thick haze covered a good part of his vision just as his lungs decided breathing wasn’t for them. The sound of his bones breaking and a stranger yelling into a phone molded into one as a more intense pain than he had ever felt before consumed him.** When he returned to the present he couldnt help but feel longing to return to his daydreams. They were easier than this could ever be.

“I.. I forget to eat sometimes. I guess it finally just caught up with me now, huh?” He let out a tired laugh. “I get so caught up with everything else that it kinda gets thrown on the back burner.”

 

 “..Okay.” He wasn’t entirely sure he believed him but he moved on nevertheless. “Have you eaten anything today? No-? How about yesterday?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and stood up. “I’ll be right back. I'm sending in Barbie to keep an eye on you until then. She’s just about having an anuerysm out there.”

 

 “Cox, wai- Hey, Elliot!” He called halfheartedly as the frazzled doctor slid through the door as soon as it opened and rushed to his side. Her mascara had seeped halfway down her cheeks and only grew more watered down as a new wave of tears poured out of her. “Woah-. Are you alright?”

 

 “JD!” She squeezed him into a suffocating hug that made his freshly fixed ribs and stitches remind him of their presence. He bit his lip to hide the pain and shuddered. “I’m so sorry for not seeing how sad you were sooner! How can I make it up to you?”

 

 He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable but he still appreciated the sentiment. “It’s not a big deal. Really. It’s fine. You've been busy with your wedding and-” Her eyes shot open and she pulled away while still maintaining an iron grip on his upper arms.

 

 “My wedding! I totally forgot about that! What day is it today?”

 

 He shook his head, he had lost track a long time ago. She flipped open her phone, “July 20th?! Oh no! It’s tomorrow! I was wondering why my family and Keith were acting weird and calling me all the time.” Her blue eyes shot back to his. “I can push it off if you want. I know you are going through alot and I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you.”

 

 “No, don’t do that. I-”

 

 “Oh my gosh, JD! You’re right! I shouldn’t postpone it, this could just be the thing to get you out of this funk you’ve got yourself in!” She gave him another bone-breaking hug, “Thank you! You’re a genius!” Elliot’s mood brightened completely and she kissed the top of his head before rushing out, ranting to herself about making sure the caterer hadn’t bailed and the flowers were perfect.

 

 Noticing the rare opportunity he had been presented, he didn’t waste time even inhaling as he detached himself from his I.V. and pulled the heart monitor off his fingertip. He slung his legs over the bedside and was about to slide off the bed when one of his bare feet touched the carpet. Dense and unrelenting it felt just the same on the soles of his feet as it had the night before on his back. Dorian felt tears rising up in his eyes and bile rising in his throat while he felt invisible hands push on his chest and begin to suffocate him. “Stop being stupid..!” He ordered himself and closed his eyes, he could see it.  **His road.** He just had to get to it one more time. 

 

 JD kept them closed as he eased himself off the bed and got to his feet uneasily. He had only limped a few slow steps when he heard someone enter. “That’s just what I was going to tell you. C’mon, get back into bed. We can’t have you hurting yourself.” 

 

 ‘Fr-!’ He looked at the source of the friendly voice. ‘Wait.. That can’t be-’ “Jeremy?” His old patient beamed at him and he smiled back in disbelief. “Jeremy, man it’s good to see you! How have you been?” Dorian tried to walk closer to him but the pain became too much and he had to stop for a second and take a breather. Strand closed the gap between them and helped him back to bed. 

 

 “I should be asking you that but I think I already know the answer.” He slouched deeply in the hospital chair, steepled his fingers and smirked at him. “Oh, Dr.Doctor.. How the turntables…”

 

 “I don’t think that’s how..”

 

 “I know. It was a joke.” As Strand sat there in his hoodie and jeans giving him a look of -not pity like the others but rather understanding and subtle disappointment- he was hit with a strong feeling of self consciousness when he imagined what he must look like. JD turned his face away from his visitor and chose to stare at his monitor instead. Watching as the green line hopped over obstacle after obstacle without any real indication as to what said obstacle was. “You know what you’ve gotta do now right? Don’t shake your head, Doc, we both know you do and it’s not by doing something dumb again.” He didn’t have to look at him to know the serious look that now possessed the other man’s features. JD hadn't been sure if he was happy to see the college student again or if he preferred that he hadn't returned at all. As much as he would hate to admit it, the latter was now beginning to seem more likely.

 

 “You gotta get some help.” Dorian clenched his fists. “And that doesn’t mean waiting around until your doctor, friends, or whoever else calls you out on your crap or even when they hospitalize you. Because they can only do so much. You are the only one that can start you down the road to getting better. 

 

 I mean, take myself for example, even after I was brought in last week I still was just as miserable when I woke up as I was when I collapsed on the floor of my dorm. Still hopeless and in some ways.. I was already dead. That is, until you came along and reminded me..” He heard Jeremy’s voice waiver. “-Reminded me of the joy that just comes with existing. How the small joys in life: laughing with you over nonsense that barely made sense, watching marathons of movie series, messing with your boss… These things, they add up. And yeah, there are pretty shitty things that get thrown your way but it’s the little things that make it worth it. I will admit I still have my bad days and I have times when my mind goes to pretty dark places but I never- I never regret getting help or choosing to live.” The room seemed to lose all the air within it as he spoke. “So here I am, being your Dr.Doctor and reminding you there is more than.. Than that pit inside you or anything going on right now. There’s just as much good around you as there is bad, you just gotta find it.”

 

 There was something cold trickling down his cheek. He pressed his fingers to his face and pulled his hand away to find them wet. He was crying and he had no idea how long he had been doing so. “Jeremy.. I-..I was- was-” He turned back to face him and found him shaking his head with watering eyes as well.

 

 “Don’t tell me.” He stood up and looked to his right where Cox shambled into the room with a tray of food and water balanced precariously in one hand. “Tell him.”

 

 “But-”

 

 “I will see you later, Dr.Doctor.” Jeremy walked past Cox who was too focused on not dropping the platter in his hand to acknowledge him and left with a small wave and a bittersweet smile.

 

 “Newbie? What’s with the face? Did something happen while I was gone annnd-” He twisted his head, annoyance already building in his face. “Where the hell did Blondie go?! I told her to watch you.”

 

 “Yes..” A very quiet voice answered. He looked over in surprise and finally, John’s eyes met his and he could see for the first time the pain and brokenness hidden within their depths. 

 “Yes?”

 

 “You told me..you wanted me to be honest. So,” Cox now understood why there were divots in the young doctor’s hands as he noticed the slight redness building where his nails bit into his palms. “Yes.”

 

Perry sat the tray down and returned to his designated spot at the front of the bed. For once there was no mockery in his tone nor sarcasm. Only his complete attention and concern. “Okay, hit me. What happened?”

 

 “Cox, I-,” JD'S voice was low and even. Every fiber of his body focused on forcing those same old words out of himself as if they were a toxin. “...I was raped.”

 

000

 

 Turk couldn’t understand it and if he was honest he didn't want to. How could his friend just do that to himself like that? Do that to him or Kim and Sam? He had a kid on the way for god’s sake! Was he really that selfish? He kicked over a nearby trash can as he left the staff restroom.

 

 “Nice. Reeeal nice.” The Janitor shot him a deadly stare from across the hall. “You’re going to have to clean that up now, you know? Or suffer the consequences of course.”

 

 “I’ll take my chances.” He grumbled and shoved past him. His meager anger though was a thin veil that failed to conceal the reality of his emotions to even him. Fear, guilt and confusion: they were the deadly trio that haunted his thoughts and left him hungover and unable to focus enough to be any use in surgery. Instead, he had to meander the halls with the interns and search for odd jobs so Kelso wouldn’t fire him. Which wasn’t the easiest task seeing as he still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to address the issue that lay bedbound in room 183 nor his superior who he had wrongfully punched in the jaw and now looms over the nurse’s station and said room. 

 

 Christopher sauntered forwards warily, keeping an eye on the door just offset from the station and was relieved to see Cox in there. In the quick glance over he noticed JD sitting across from him, his head was drooped in defeat and his hands pulled the edge of his thin blanket up to his face as he cried into it. The sight of him threw him and he couldn’t look away nor could he hurry off and grab a case before he was noticed. He just stood there, staring.

 

 To his horror JD lifted his teary-eyed face up from the cloth and their gazes met. Cox followed his gaze and turned around, rage much deeper than Turk could ever manage was engraved in his face as he looked at him and back at Dorian. His friend nodded and he swore he could feel his heart skip a beat. 

 

 Is he about to be murdered? He assumed so as he watched Perry stand up, knocking over his chair and walking around it. Eyes dead set on his own the entire way as he stalked forwards. Turk instinctively stepped back and his muscles tensed up as he was now face-to-face with the man he always theorized would have a hand in his death. “Hey.. Dr.Cox.. How about we just calm down a little there, okay..? I am really sorry about hitting you and I- I can make it up to you if you let me and-

 

 “Have you seen David?” His voice was calm, collected and more terrifying than Turk had ever heard it.

 

 “David? As in Fratelli?” That caught him off guard. “No, why?” Maybe he wasn’t going to die after all.

 

 “Because he is the reason JD tried to kill himself.” He shoved Christopher towards the hospital’s entrance while he tried to wrap his mind around this new information.

 

 “Wait- What do you mean he- Stop it!” He jumped out of reach of the other and his heart raced in his chest. “What do you mean he’s the reason? What did JD tell you?” A frantic edge had now taken its hold on his voice. He was the reason Fratelli came to Sacred Heart, he had been the one that guided his to JD’s room after he tried to-.. So if Fratelli had done something to his friend it was all on him.

 

 “Well, Ghandi, I was just about to tell you to make sure Carla and her flock don’t shower JD and perform a rape kit as soon as possible. So what can you infer from that, huh? What do  _ you _ think happened?” Turk stood there saying nothing, his face slack and empty for a few seconds. “Now, you are going to stop by the station while I hunt down this piece of shit. Got that or did your tiny brain fail to understand that as well?”

 

 “But he-” David couldn't have.. He was just JD's old coach that he wasn't crazy for. Nothing more. A memory of them playing Castlevania just a few years before came to mind. 

 

**At first he had expected to find something more risque under their bunk bed but when he scoured about the dark and filthy wasteland he had discovered something much more interesting. A pile of old yearbooks.  Hoping to get his hands on some proper blackmailing material on his friend, he skimmed through each book. Laughing all the while at the awkward headshots of teachers and students alike.**

 

**It wasn't until he reached his freshman year that he discovered one of the most peculiar men he had ever seen. The faded page was slightly crumpled and torn but he could still make out the image of a slightly overweight thirty-something year old man sporting a wide grin and the mottled look of a man who had broken up one too many schoolyard scuffles in his lifetime. “Coach David Fratelli..” He read aloud and JD straightened up a little. “Whose he?”**

 

**John's face remained neutral but there was a flicker of something else alight in his eyes as he watched Turk squint at the other photos of the coach on the next page over.**

 

**“Oh hey! You're in some of these! Oh man.. You look so awkward in this one!” He laughed and pointed at one of the black and white photos. Standing on one leg while he adjusted his shoe on the sidelines of a lively basketball game was JD. Turk wondered if he had been struggling to balance because David stood next to him and had a hand curled around the boy's arm to steady him as he laughed along with another coach. And the photographer at that very moment snapped their shot just as John had looked over and bore a bewildered look in his eyes as well as a slackened jaw. “I should show Stacy the- Hey! I was looking at that!”**

 

**He only now recognized how strained his laughter had been then and how quickly he had changed the subject. “That's my old coach. He taught my class all the way up until graduation.” He shoved the remote into his hands and smiled at him. “Your turn! Bet you can't beat my score on the final boss!”**

 

**“Oh yeah?! I'll show you how it's really done!”**

 “Can you do it instead?” He said, voice hollow and lifeless. David was a rapist. A fucking rapist and he had led him straight back to his prey. As much as he had wondered in the past how JD had up and left his town so easily without looking back as soon as he graduated, it now all made sense. He hadn't been moving on with his life, he had been running from  _ him _ . And Turk was the reason the pervert finally caught up with him. “Someone needs to be with him just in case Fratelli decides to drop by. And I need to..” He trailed off as he looked back at his friend changing the channels of his tv. “I need to try to make it up to him.”

 

Cox didn't have the patience to argue with him and just shrugged. “Fine. Do what you have to. And don't bail out like Elliot.” He warned before storming off. It really didn't make that big a difference, and it'd be good for JD to have a friend rather than a nurse leering over him.

 

 Turk pulled out his phone, set his shoulders and dialed his wife. “Carla, baby, what are you doing right now?”


	14. My Big Day

 The dusty surface of the full length mirror reflected the image of a stranger. His thin hands tightened the stiff fabric of his tie about his neck and regarded the man in the mirror with disdain. “Turk?”

 

 His best friend popped his head inside the bedroom’s doorway while he tucked in his own shirt. “What’s up? Something wrong?” Dorian could already see worry forming in the crease of the surgeon’s brow.  


 “No, everything’s fine. It’s just-,” the wheels of his chair creaked as he twisted around. “Should I really be going? I mean think about it. I dated the bride, then tried to win her back after Keith asked her out more than once and I swear her mother never really forgave me for the coleslaw incident.. Maybe it’s best I just hang back here.” His already inflamed cheek grew a darker shade of red as he scratched at the ragged gashes along it. Some of the more superficial scraps had long since sealed themselves, same with his lighter bruising, but the more severe divots remained more prominent than ever.

 

 “Stop picking at that.” Christopher was crouched in front of him now, his narrowed eyes suddenly widening as if he had solved a puzzle. “This isn’t about Elliot or Keith feeling uncomfortable is it? You’re worried about what people are going to think when they see you, right? JD.. It will be fine. I promise. Elliot really wants you there and everyone will be so focused on the ceremony they probably won’t even notice us. We will just hang out on the sidelines and if it’s an issue we can leave anytime okay?”

 

 Dorian’s skin crawled as Turk grabbed him gently by both of his shoulders, seemingly trying to steal his attention away from his reflection and back onto him. “If you really don’t want to go we can stay back here instead. I have the new episodes of Gilmore Girls TiVoed already and Elliot will understand. What do you want to do?” Fighting the urge to pull away from his grasp he lifted his shaky hands and flattened his hair.

 

 “L-let’s go. I’m ready.” ‘If it is too much I can leave anytime. So stop worrying.’ He reassured himself, ‘And Turk and Cox will be there if _he_..’

 

 The small car around him now shuddered as the trunk was closed and his friend slid into the driver’s seat. “The girls just texted me. Said they just finished getting it all ready. I guess they even convinced Cox to help with the chairs. Not sure how that was possible. Must have some real dirt on him or something.” He joked and the engine turned over.

   

 “Maybe they found him in one of the bridesmaid dresses.” He smiled. Turk was caught off guard by the small reappearance of his friend’s old humor at first but then grinned widely himself and chuckled.

 

 “What if it was Carla’s? Oooh that image is going to haunt my nightmares for a while.” JD cringed.

   

 “How would his arms even-?” Dorian lifted his own up and tried to wrap his mind around the idea. “Maybe he was trying to zip it up when Elliot found him?”

 

 “Ahhhahah..! I did _not_ need to picture that, man!” He was thoroughly disturbed at the thought, as was JD, but they both also couldn’t help but laugh as well at the idea. There was a small chime and Turk glanced down at his phone as he drove. “Could you answer that for me? Might be important.”

 

 “Yea- Yeah sure.” He was out of breath and his ribs hurt from laughing so much but he didn’t regret it in the slightest. “Hello?”

 

 “Where are you both? The ceremony starts in 5 minutes.”

 

 “It’s Cox.” He mouthed to Christopher who couldn't help but cackle a little. “We are uh-”

 

 “We are just down the street we will be there in a second!” Turk shouted to the phone.

 

 “Tell your boyfriend to stop yelling. I can hear just fin- Hold on. IF YOU DON’T PUT THAT DOWN I WILL PERSONALLY BREAK BOTH YOUR KNEES WITH IT!” Perry growled to someone on the other end.

   

 “-d like to see you try.” Trees and houses flew past them as the Janitor’s muffled voice filled his ear. It was slightly overcast out but for once it seemed the rain chose to spare them which was good news for the husband and wife to-be who chosen to have their reception outdoors.

 

 “I am going to have to let you go, Jeanne. Something just came up.” The line went dead and he closed the phone in his hands and tucked it back in the cupholder.

 

 They pulled up to the church a few minutes later. The road was roughly paved with gravel and dirt and they could both feel every pebble as they shuddered along it.

   

 “Wow.. They did a good job on this place. ‘Looks better than my and Carla’s by far..” JD would never say it outloud, but he agreed. The church’s front steps were draped in a thick ,almost-mahogany carpet that led all the way to the podium and there were heavy ribbons and flowers bordering it. It was very plain to see that Elliot’s years of preparing for this day had paid off and that her meticulous hands had made sure everything was just so. “How should we do this then..? There is no ramp and the wheels will get caught if we-...” Parked as close to the entrance as they could manage in the bustling parking lot, Turk tapped his fingers against his steering wheel in consideration.

 

 “I could try walking up.” He offered and he could see his friend preparing a long list of reasons for why that was a bad idea as he watched so he cut him off before he could even begin to recite it. “We will bring the chair with us for inside and for the reception after but I will just walk up the stairs right now. You can even help me if you like. I just think that is the easiest way to go about this. Unless you have another idea..?”

 

    “No. I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I like this idea. You should have at least another week of PT before you started walking again.” He grumbled.

   

    “I know, c'mon.” Turk got out of the car and headed around the back to grab the folded chair before coming around and opening his door for him.

 

 JD unlatched himself and eased himself out of the car with only a little difficulty. As he stood there at his full height before his friend and walked forward, he was both filled with immense pain from his wounds -particularly his casted ankle and stitches- but also felt a strong surge of confidence that maybe, just maybe, he was going to get past all this. That he was going to recover. Turk locked the car up and slung one of JD’s arms over his shoulders to relieve him of some of the weight and hauled the compacted chair in his other arm while they walked slowly towards the heavily perfumed church before them.

 

                                  000

 

 “Do you, Keith Dudemeister, take Elliot Reid as your lawfully wedded wife?”

 

 “Hell yeah!” The resident doctor chirped before realizing his mistake as half of the chapel muttered in disapproval or scoffed at his brashness. “Uh-! I mean- Yeah, yeah I do.”

 

 “Do you, Elliot Reid, take Keith Dudemeister to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

 

 The bride didn't answer, she was too busy sharing angry whispers with her maid of honor behind her. Carla tried to point out that she was being called on but Elliot continued with her tirades rather than paying her any mind. That is until the pastor tapped her on her shoulder.

 

 “Excuse me, Ms. Reid…” The graying man who had seemed done with whole ordeal from the start didn't even attempt to hide his exhausted annoyance with the oddball couple anymore. He mostly just wanted to stop by the open bar and leave as soon as possible.

 

 “Wh- Oh!” She giggled slightly out of embarrassment and turned to face her fiance again. “I do!”

 

 “Good. Thank God..” The ancient book in his hands shut with a graceless slap. “Keith, you may now kiss your bride.”

 

 The groom carefully eased the glittering veil away from his bride's blushing face. He was taken aback by her beauty for only a moment before he pulled her to him and pressed his lips against hers. Many in the crowd cooed and the flashes of the cameras blinded all in their line of sight.

 

 As the happy couple’s kiss lasted a little longer than most would deem fit, Keith's elder brother/best man took advantage of his opportunity and stepped forwards before announcing to the crowd before him in a loud and enthusiastic voice, “Ladies and gentleman, Mr. and Mrs. Dudemeister!”

 

 One half of the church remained seated and clapped dryly, consisting of mostly just Elliot's upper class family and one terrified photographer. While the entirety of the other side were on their feet and letting out boisterous yells and hoots. JD and Turks’ shouts were only overcome by the rest of the Dudemeister family's own. Kimberly grinned from ear to ear next to her boyfriend but said nothing as she shielded her ears from the deafening noise.

 

 “Alright, alright! That's enough, guys! Thank you!” He settled the church just as easily as he had livened. Signaling to a greeter at the opposite end of the building, the two large doors opened once more and the newlyweds linked arms and walked through them while sharing giddy grins. As soon as they were out of sight the older Dudemeister stepped down the stairs before him and pointed to his left. “Now if anyone here would be interested in free food and drinks, dancing and live music then the reception will be in the courtyard about half a mile thataway. As a bonus the lovebirds will even be there too!”

 

 Keith's brother was awarded with a few peals of light laughter and like a herd of cattle, the crowd rose to its feet and made for the door. All but the maid of honor, her husband and the couple they now snuck out the back way with only the Preacher and the Janitor trailing after.

 

  “Are you sure there is a ramp?”

 

 Carla shot her husband a disbelieving look, “Yes, Turk, I'm sure! Me and the rest of the bridesmaids had to come this way this morning because it was easier than getting the gaudy heels Elliot picked out caught on the carpet. It worked out great until she decided we needed to re-ribbon everything.”

 

 “You look so nice in your suit JD. We should have gone to dinner more often.” Kim’s voice was cheery and light, but her words seemed slightly forced.

 

 Kimberly, though not officially one of Elliot’s bridesmaids, ended up spending the last couple days planning and decorating endlessly along with the rest of the group as if she were without complaint. She was happy to help her recently rediscovered friends and every now and then she would allow herself take a breather to regain her strength. She loved Sam dearly but her aching back and joints were just a few of the traits she was happy to be rid of as soon as he was born.

 

 “Thank you.” JD also suspected she had buried herself in her work with Carla and Elliot as a way to avoid the awkwardness at home. The wall between them that had formed when a police officer questioned her about Fratelli had grown more prominent than ever. The silence in bed and while they ate was grating upon both of them and as soon as Turk offered to help Dorian get ready for the wedding she accepted it without a second’s consideration.

 

 It was less than a full day since she was sat at her table and was interrogated for over an hour  while he sat in the hospital on suicide watch, and after some time had passed part of her began to doubt the claims against Fratelli. Thinking to herself, 'They say he hurt JD somehow but JD never told me about anything like that. And David isn't at all that type of guy... But I guess that just means rumours really do ruin live like they say.’ She would admit her boyfriend hadn't had the best childhood or life of late(save for Sam) which is probably why he was selfish enough to try to remove himself from his friend’s and family's lives but she was certain that this gimmick with David was only tied to his attempt because someone made it so.

 

 Her theory only became more solidified in her mind as she mentally noted how Dorian had only seemed to have gotten better lately and never once mentioned his ex-coach. Maybe he just hated Fratelli for some old petty reason and this was his way of getting back at him? Maybe it wasn't him but he was happy to get the limelight off of his suicide attempt and onto someone else so he didn't argue against the accusers. In any case she was disappointed in JD for letting that happen to his old friend and could never get up the nerve to call him out on it. So she  instead contented herself with just avoiding anything and everything having to do with that whole situation altogether and distanced herself to get a little reprieve from her own frustrations. When she sat beside him at the church and leaned against him, it had been the first real contact between them in days and now she felt a little guilty over that fact.

 

 In hopes to regain a little life back in their relationship, as soon as the group entered the elegant courtyard she immediately guided his chair and her friends to their table and made sure to have JD between herself and Turk. She was going to make the most of the night. One way or another she was going to fix this rift between them, she just needed a little time to figure out how. And who knows, maybe after they witness the growth of Keith and Elliots’ love into something more meaningful than ever before and just a touch of wine might just be the thing to turn their relationship back into the way it had been they purchased a deck together almost a year before.

 

   She wrapped an arm around the man beside her who stiffened a little and leaned her head on his shoulder. Dorian didn’t nudge her off but also didn’t turn to look at her. Instead he seemed deadset in maintaining his conversation with his best friend. The same friend who she found to be harder to get rid of than usual. It was sweet in a way to have someone always there by your side, she allowed, but it was beginning to get a little extreme. She couldn’t think of a time in the past few days he had left her boyfriend alone save for when he went to the restroom and even then he lingered about nearby. If she was going to mend the strain in their relationship then she had to get rid of Turk for a while. ‘I’ll talk to Carla after dinner is over. I bet she’s been missing her husband anyways.’ Kim’s eyes wandered over to the main table were she sat besides the bride with slight desperation and heavy consideration.

 

 “Don’t. You. Dare.” Elliot looked up from her place at the long table ahead of the rest. She bumped Keith's shoulder and they snickered together at the sight of Cox stalking towards the Janitor and Ted. For some reason the man had taken it upon himself to act as a sort of security agent for the wedding whose main concerns so far mainly revolved around keeping an eye on the more riley Sacred Heart staff.

 

 The middle-aged custodian himself was busy egging on the hospital lawyer who finally succumbed to his pressuring and licked the ice statue. Only to get his tongue stuck and quickly begining to panic. Noting how hilarious Ted looked and how murderous a gaze they were both receiving from the attending who was almost upon them, he gave the other man a sympathetic pat on the back before dashing off. Cox debated going after him but chose instead to go after easier prey. “Kelso! Can you not keep track of him for ONE minute?! Do you see what he did? He looks like Flick from Christmas Story for God's sakes! Except at least Flick had hair and was 8. This is just sad.” The lawyer slouched his shoulders forward in shame.

 

 “I'm off the clock. He's not my responsibility.” Kelso thanked the bartender and sauntered off to a table of women with a sly grin and four margaritas precariously balanced in his weathered hands. “If you want to take him off then be my guest.”

 

 “Like hell I will clean up your mess.” He shot back. “Defrost him yourself.” The last of his possible saviors strutted off in a huff as Ted reached pathetically after him.

 

 “Wai-! Wha’ ‘bou me?”

 

 “What is even going on anymore?” Keith chuckled and loosened the red bowtie about his neck. “Do you want me to take care of it? I don't want him to ruin today for you.” Elliot shook her head and intertwined her fingers with his.

 

 “I know I'm usually more.. _Particular_ with things but somehow the chaos makes it feel more like home, y'know? More like me and less like something my mom would put together.” The mother in question was currently trying to fend off an overly flirtatious Dr.Kelso and keep track of her own husband at the same time which was a wedding present in and of itself. “Plus I think Ted really ties everything together. So don't worry about anyone ruining today for me. That's not even remotely possible. Especially with what I have planned for our honeymoon… Let's just say you won't be able to-”

 

 The sharp sound of a fork tapping a wine glass interrupted the conversation Keith had become increasing invested in and begrudgingly had to end as his brother yet again stole the spotlight.

 

 “Not again…” Elliot groaned.

 

 “I know, I know. I'm sorry, babe. Jake's kind of an asshole.”

 

 “Excuse me! ‘Just want your attention, everyone. It'll be just a second I promise!” The best man clarified. “I just wanted to make a toast for my little brother here before we start digging in.” Kimberly's head whipped around and she had an idea suddenly come to mind. “Keith, you used to be this scrawny beanpole of a kid who would cry over everything… Now you’re a doctor too! Haha just messing with you. Anyways I just wanted to tell you how proud all of us are of you. Elliot is an amazing lady who can hold her liquor like a true Dudemeister. Good luck to you both! We hope you last so we can ride the rapids together!” He lifted his cup to his brother and everyone else did the same.

 

 Elliot wasn't sure if she should be flattered or offended and when she looked to Keith for his own input she found him lifting his glass out with misty eyes. 'What is this family?’ She had to wonder even though she knew her own brand of “family” was not any better, if anything they were worse by a long shot.

 

 “Cheers!” She toasted him and everyone else did the same.

 

 Jake sat down and before the maid of honor could stand to make her own toast another was on her feet with a glass of water in hand and shuffling before the bride and grooms’ table.

 

 “Hello! I've never really done this before but I would like to give it a shot so bear with me. I would like to make a toast for the beautiful couple. Elliot, Keith, I haven't known you very long but anytime I saw you both together I could just tell you were meant to be. You would build each other up and look out for each other and somehow you'd always be near or thinking about the other and I think that is amazing. You showed me what true love looks like through-..” She sucked in a breath as an overwhelming wave of pain overcame her. “Through your friendship and yourselves… S-.. Oh! Oh my gosh!”

 

 She felt something rupture deep within herself and liquid poured down her dress and trickled on her leg. Carla was the first to react and rush to her side, yelling for Christopher to help keep Kimberly from falling over. There was the sound of something breaking as the Turks ordered the people around them to either help or move. Kim might have felt some sort of embarrassment at the state of her dress if she hadn't filled with such intense joy and pain.

 

 “Elliot can you call an ambulance? I think her water broke.”

 

 “What? Oh! Yeah!” She stuffed her hand into the only “pocket” on her person, her chest, and managed to pull out her phone and dial 9-11 with shaky hands. “Hello? This is Doctor Elliot Rei-.. Dudemeister. I need you to send an ambulance to this location as soon as possible. One of the guests at my wedding is giving birth.”

 

 “Sam's coming! He's coming!” Kim had been eased onto the ground now with her upper half leaned against one of the tables while Carla checked her pulse and made sure she was alright to be moved. “J-.. JD!” Her watery, blue eyes flitted about the growing crowd but she couldn't see him. The spot where they had been sitting was blocked by dozens of people all trying to figure out what was going on. When Christopher returned with Cox at his side she waved weakly at them. “Can you- Owww.. Ow.ow.ow… Can you guys get JD? Please?” She managed to hiss out between clenched teeth. She held Carla’s hand with a deathgrip and looked up at the two desperately.

 

 “'Course. I just saw him a second ago.” The duo pushed their way through Dudemeisters and Reids alike and resurfaced at the tables. There was no sign of the young doctor. “JD? Maybe he went to the bathroom or something-?”

 

 Cox walked ahead of him and looped around where JD had been sitting not even two minutes before. A dark look dawning quickly in the creases of his face. “I don't think so.”

 

 In front of the attending, JD's wheelchair lay empty and slightly askew. And at his feet were the remains of Dorian's wine glass and his phone. The translucent shards reflected both the gruesome shade of the wine pooled beneath it as well as the strands of twinkling lights hanging above their heads.

 

 “But-..! He was just-..? Oh shi.. Cox, what do we do? ” Sirens filled their ears as Kim's ambulance spun. When his superior didn't reply and turned away from him he had to bite his lip to keep from screaming.

 

 He had turned his back to JD for only a minute to help Kim. And in just that single, dismissable  minute he had been taken. Fratelli had his best friend because of him and there was nothing he could do. And he knew for a fact that Fratelli knew it too.

 

 

 

 

   

   

   

 


	15. My Back Seat Driver

  “S-!” He jolted awake, knocking the side of his head on the plastic handle above him. JD tried to lift his hand to the soon-to-be bruise on the back of his scalp but found it more difficult than usual to do so.

 

    “You alright? That looked like it hurt.”

 

   Dorian nodded and scrunched up his face a little. “Yeah. I, uh-... Sorry. It was just a bad dream or something.” He smiled apologetically and looked out the window. The sun had begun to set over the horizon and the cars around them on the freeway slowly eased their way forwards one by one. “My head hurts a bit but I’d take this over a car to the chest anyday,“ he joked lightly. Where was Turk taking him? He couldn't quite remember.

 

  “I’ll bet.” The other man said. An awkward silence taking it’s hold for only a moment until he broke the silence once more. “So, what was it about?”

 

 “What?”

 

 “Your dream.”

 

 “Ah.” Despite his unwillingness to speak any more about that subject in particular, JD decided his driver deserved to know why he freaked out on him. “It was.. Well, it was about him, I think.” When his driver remained silent he took this as his cue to continue. “I only remember bits and pieces, but I think he might’ve..  Poisoned me or something-? I remember you were there, and then you left because something happened then-..” The pounding of his head made it even harder to concentrate on recalling the fading images. “Everything started to look and feel-.. just really strange. I tried calling you but then he-.. He took my phone. And I can’t really remember anything else after that. I just remember that it hurt. Alot.” His voice dropped to an almost incomprehensible mumble as flashes of memories came to mind.

 

  The sun had now set and he could see the edges of the moon peeking over the mountain ridge  ahead of them. Its white face followed the car as it shuddered along the cracked asphalt.

 

  “When you say him, you mean-?”

 

  “Fratelli.” JD’s eyes lost their focus for only a moment before readjusting on the cherry car freshener in the air vent next to him. “One thing that bothers me though, is that in a way,” he straightened himself in his seat and turned to look at his driver. “It felt real.”

 

  “And why wouldn’t it?” John’s eyes widened at the sight of Fratelli sitting beside him. The older man’s fingers tapped lightly on the steering wheel while he kept his eyes on the road before them. “I was there, and you just about had it right.”

 

  Dorian instinctively tried to slide deeper into his side of the car’s cab but a sharp pinching on his wrists stopped him. He unwillingly tore his eyes away from David, realizing now that his arms were outstretched before him and the wrists of each were bound with zip ties to the worn handle of an old glove box.

 

  “Hey now. Hold on. Don’t get yourself all worked up again.” Fratelli cut into his deepening panic. “I don’t understand how you let yourself get so freaked out by the littlest things. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to haul you around? You swoon more than that woman of yours.”

 

  “He’s right you know.” A new voice from the back seat startled him. His eyes darted around the car’s interior trying to find the source of the voice. “You need to calm down, man. And no, don’t look back here or the asshole will notice. Just look in the mirror if you need know that bad.”

 

  “Jer-” In the back seat the college student shoved a finger to his own lips, silencing JD as soon as he noticed.

 

  “I know you have a lot of questions but I need you to take a second and listen to me, okay?” JD didn’t say a word and  Jeremy bobbed his head in approval. “Perfect, you’re getting it down, man. Now, we need you to relax. We are going to get you out of this mess but you have to be leveled out and fully conscious for that to happen. Can you do that?”

 

  He could do that. He would just close his eyes and breathe like he had his patients do with him many times before. He could clear his mind and not think about the sound of Fratelli’s own breaths beside him that made his stomach cramp up and his throat tighten. He could do this, he could be calm.

 

 “To be honest with you, kid. I was gettin’ pretty antsy that you hadn’t woken up yet. Thought I might’ve given you too big a dose or somethin’. Wouldn’t’ve been the first time but you seem alright to me.” He chuckled and a heavy hand fell on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. “But what can I say? It’s been 6 hours of nothing but the three channels this piece of shit radio can pick up and silence. Anyone would get a little on the paranoid side by now.”

 

 “Breathe, Dr. Doctor.” JD did as he was told and kept his breathing steady as he focused his attention on the feel of each bump and pot hole they drove over instead of the fingers that slid down his arm as they pulled away from him. The knots in his stomach tightened but he remained wide awake and ready to get the hell out of there. “Good, ignore him. Trash like him aren’t worth your time or energy. Plus, I have a much more interesting find two cars up and to your right.”

 

                                     ~

 

 “So you haven’t seen Mr. Dorian at all since his disappearance?” The police officer seemed almost bored by the conversation as he slouched over his desk. “No phone calls, mail, anything?”

 

 “How would he have sent mail in that short amount of-” He shook his head to clear his frustrations and let out a heavy sigh. “No, sir. As I said before, the last time I saw him was right before his girlfriend was picked up by the ambulance.”

 

 “Ah yes, his girlfriend." The old officer frowned as if straining to recall. "J-Jamie..?”

 

 “Kim.”

 

 “Yeah, you're right. It was Kim wasn't it? So, do you think it’s possible that with the baby on the way he got cold feet and when he got the opportunity he took it? I’ve seen it happen again and again over the years. By the time we find the “missing person” they’ve already set up shop in a new woman’s place. Real heart breaking for the family they left, I tell you what.”

 

 “I don’t think you really understand the situation, sir.” He voice was cold and seething.

 

 “Doctor Turk?”

 

  “Hold on.” He cut off the new arrival.

 

  He had been stuck at the police station for 3 hours now trying to get in his statement and be done with it so the police could do their job but Officer L. R. Simmons kept side-tracking the whole process any chance he got. If there was a way for this to actually end anytime soon, he had to finish it now. There was a light chirp of a pager going off but he paid it no mind and leaned forwards with one arm on the desk.

 

  “ My friend did not leave, he was taken. You need to get that fact in your head or we are never going to find him. We filed a report yesterday on the man who took him, he is a horrible human being that will hurt JD or worse if we don’t find him soon. Every second counts and here you are wasting them on coffee and conspiracies. Get your head out of your own ass an-"

 

 “Doctor Turk.” He shooed the nurse away with his hand but she ignored him and stuffed her phone in front of his face. “It’s Cox. Kim’s not doing well in surgery and you are her only proxy besides Doctor Dorian. We need you back at the hospital for you to give your okay.” He looked back at Officer Simmons with heavy contempt for only a moment before shoving himself away and following Nurse Ronnie out of the precinct.

 

                                   ~

 

  JD nearly smiled at the familiar sight of a police car lined up among the rest of the sun-bleached vehicles. This was it. This was his big chance at escaping.

 

 “Hold on there, Doc. You need to wait for the right time. We only have one shot at this.” The nerves he now felt that rose the hair on his arms was no longer from fear but rather from eagerness. He bit at his lip and looked at the reflection of Jeremy in the mirror. “When I give the word I want you to start yelling and screaming as if your life depended on it because frankly, it does. Kick, bark, curse, whatever the hell you want. Just make sure the cop notices you. They will probably be able to figure out the rest on their own or atleast pull us over on suspicion of drug possession.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Shhh! Now wait….”

 

 “What did you say there, John?” The lane on the right began to slow and they surpassed the car next to them, and then the one after that. Leaving the cop car to now sit parallel to them on the dark freeway.

 

 “NOW.” Dorian sucked in a deep breath, shared a grin with his old patient and let out the loudest yell his dry throat could handle.

 

  “HOLY FU-!” The car swerved slightly as Fratelli covered one of his ears. “What the hell are you doing?!” He demanded to no response until he noticed the officer next to them who thankfully seemed preoccupied with the road ahead of her and the laptop on her lap. Anger and panic shot through him faster than a bullet and he glowered at his passenger. “You better stop yellin’ or I swear to God, kid! I mean it if you don’t shut up-!”

 

   Dorian could see the officer’s head lift a little in interest as he shouted again for her help. His heart felt like it was trying to burst out of his chest but he had never felt more in control and powerful than he did in that moment. She was going to save him and force his old coach behind bars for good. He would be safe again and he and Turk could fill their weekends with movie nights rather than hospitalizations again. He could have a normal life again.

 

  “You’re so close! Drive it home, Dr. Doctor!” Jeremy cheered.

 

 JD had just begun to release his final yell when he heard Fratelli mumble something to his right and he felt a large hand grab the back of his head by his hair. His eyes gathered a dozen scenes at once: the turning of the officer’s head towards them, Jeremy’s light brown eyes widening in horror just as his own did, the red haze of a hundred brake lights out the window, Fratelli’s own face twisted in rage in his peripheral and the sight and feeling of his face being slammed into the faux-leather and hard plastic of the dash in front of him.

 

 “Hello!” Fratelli pushed Dorian’s head further down and out of sight of the window as he chirped at the woman staring suspiciously at him.

 

 “Are you okay? Damn! I thought that would work.” Jeremy's voice was low and he could hear the man's own disappointment and guilt weighing heavily in his words.

 

 “M-me too.” He coughed and let out a yelp as some of the hair on his scalp was torn from its roots. He was pulled up into a sitting position and he could feel the warm trickle of blood seep down his chin.

 

 “Cop’s gone. You proud of yourself there, huh? That was some stupid shit you pulled there. Real stupid.” JD felt a sharp stabbing pain in his gums as he rubbed his face on his sleeve. When his tongue poked around the tender area he found a sharp and hard shard in his mouth. Spitting it out onto his lap he felt light headed at the discovery that it was a part of one of his teeth. “Also who do you keep talkin’ to? Do you have a phone on you?”

 

 “No, no one.” He stiffened up as Fratelli reached back over and patted him down for any possible hidden devices. Dorian’s eyes darted to the man in the truck beside them, at Fratelli and then up at the mirror. The other man followed his gaze and looked back into the backseat. “W-!”

 

 “What is so interesting about a backseat? I can never understand your generation.” Jeremy’s face in the mirror pinched slightly and he smiled at him. Dorian’s mouth went dry and he looked back as well. The seat was empty.

 

 “So, yeah.. Maybe I am just in your imagination. But that doesn’t change anything. I’m going to get you out of here.” JD shuddered, and tried to cover his ears from his own imagined words but the zip ties around his wrists stopped him. He pulled harder on them but only managed to tighten the plastic around his wrists. The sharp edges started to dig small gouges in his wrists and he felt the tips of his fingers tingle as blood struggled to flow through his arms beneath it.

 

 “No, that should've-.. No.” He shook his head slowly. ‘Why didn't that work? It should've worked! I can't be trapped in here! I can't be stuck here with him! Why can’t I get out? Where is Turk?! How do I get out?! Oh god, I’m gonna die-! He's going to kill me and I will be alone! There's nothing I can do and' “-I’m gonna die!” He cried and Fratelli's fingers began tapping methodically on the steering wheel once again.

 

 “That’s the first thing you’ve gotten right all day, John. Now will you shut up for a while? My radio show’s on.” The stiff buttons clicked loudly and he twisted the volume up until they could no longer hear anything but the sound of an older, gravelly voiced man speaking endlessly about how modern technology failed to meet up with his and the world’s expectations. John Dorian rubbed the blood from his face once more, slouched forwards and tried to breathe between sobs without looking at the very real or imagined passengers around him.

 

                                   ~

 

 “What’re you doing there? Pacing?” The Janitor spun about in one of the Nurse’s Station chairs. He had somehow managed to get his hands on a lab coat and seemed to be attempting to pass as a doctor per usual. “You know with those black soles on your shoes you are going to leave streaks all over my tile.”

 

 Turk stopped mid-tread and looked at him, his mind was buzzing with nervous energy and worry but also somehow simultaneously exhausted beyond all measure. “Did you see anything?”, he said voice as empty and hollow as he felt.

 

 “You mean did I see the whackjob at the wedding? Sure, yeah. 'Surprised no one else did. My kidnapping was much cleaner," he boasted.

 

 Turk squinted at him, hope building. “You saw him? What happened?”

 

 “Why should I tell you?”

 

  “I will do anything, Janitor. Please just tell me.”

 

  Entertained by the surgeon’s groveling, he relented and leaned back with his feet resting on some patient files. “So there I was, just minding my own business and trying to sleep a little (because of all the wild partying I did the night before with the janitorial crew from Good Samaritan Hospital) when you all start freaking out over some baby that’s falling out of a woman. Isn’t that your job? Like don’t you doctors catch babies and toss them over to the parents all the time?”

 

 “Doctors don’t throw babies and we needed a cleaner place for the baby to come. Focus, Janitor, the whackjob, remember?” He tapped his foot impatiently.

 

 “Calm down. I was getting to that." He reassured the surgeon before continuing. "So yeah, there I was, just woken up to people freaking out and someone breaking something when I saw the twerp sitting by himself at his table. Apparently, he was the one who dropped his wine glass and was now freaking out for no reason like he always does. So, as a good Samaritan, I decided I was going to give him a piece of my mind for destroying Blondie’s stuff and trying to ruin everything but I didn't get the chance. Whackjob somehow got there before I even began to stand up. He was weirdly quick for his age. It was almost inspiring to watch..”

 

 “Was he an out of shape, middle-aged, white guy with a high hairline?”

 

 Janitor pointed at him and nodded, “Right on the money. Which was weirdly not what Whackjob wanted. He took Scooter’s phone though. Whackjob put it in his pocket while he was getting all droopy in his chair. Then he just threw him over his shoulder and left. I was so offended by how badly he did it that I just let them go. That, and I have a fiery hatred for all doctors and couldn't care less about what happens to them.”

 

 “How about cops? How do you feel about them?” The custodian frowned. “How do you feel about cops and a thousand bucks in your pocket?”

 

 “I'm listening. What do you need me to do? 'Catch one of their cars on fire?”

 

 “No, just give a statement. Preferably without mentioning your kidnapping experience.” This could work. Maybe if he talked to them Simmons would get off his ass and help him find JD.

 

 “..I’ll think about it.” The Janitor was disappointed by the lack of arson in the request but a thousand bucks was a thousand bucks.

 

 “Doctor Turk? We need you to come back in again. Get in your scrubs and wash up.” A resident said between gasps after running to his side. “The fetus is misaligned and Doctor Cox said you should come in and see the patient before deciding.”

 

 “Give me 3 minutes.” He nodded at the Janitor in thanks before running to the locker room. Shirt, pants, socks,.. “Where are my shoes? Come on! I was just wearing you!" Turk threw his dress pants on the floor with a loud clatter and quickly found his shoes just underneath where the pants had been. ‘Shirt, pants, socks, shoes. Perfect!’ He grabbed his phone off the floor and tucked it in his waistband.

 

 Getting ready for any procedure was always the easy part for him. It was simple, short and just about impossible to mess up once you got into the rhythm of it. The hard part , on the other hand, hit him right as he stepped into the sterilized operating room holding a scalpel in his hand. When one slip could mean the blaring of alarms and the mourning of loved ones.

 

 He took in a deep breath and let it out as he stepped inside. There was a bustling group of staff working tirelessly at keeping Kim stable as their relieve team stretched on the sidelines. The scent of blood and the sound of heart monitors reminded him of the day his own hands worked to save his friend's life.

 

  And now where was JD? Dead, alive? He had no idea and it killed him. The not knowing. It was a million times worse than any amount of stitching he had to do to piece his friend back together.

 

 “Hey. We need you to choose now. We are out of time.” Turk looked at the pale, unconscious face of his friend’s girlfriend. How is it everyone that they lay on the surgical table look so fragile? Like one wrong move could break them? Cox smacked his hands together to bring his attention back to him. “We need you to answer today, Turk!”

 

 “..Do what you need to, just make sure they live.” He didn’t know what to do anymore. There was nothing he could do except this. He could pass control over to someone who has a chance at making the right choice for once. In any other situation his superior might have berated him for such a cowardly move, but not today. Not with them on the table.

 

 “We need to work quick people. Plan B is go, let’s cut her open.”

 

  Turk stood uselessly with the replacements and watched silently as they began a C-section. ‘Please don’t die, Kim.’ His phone vibrated in his waistband. He considered not grabbing it at first to avoid contaminating his gloves, but after figuring that it really didn’t matter he pulled it out anyway.

 

 The number wasn’t familiar to him. He flipped his phone open and pressed it to his ear. “Hello?”

 

Metal clattered loudly on metal. “He’s out! Close her up!”

 

 “Turk!” A shaky voice said on the other end. It was barely louder than a whisper and nearly impossible to hear over the noise around him.

 

 “JD! Where are you? Are you okay? What is he doing to you?!”

 

 “The baby isn’t breathing.”

 

  “Check his mouth for any possible obstructions. Does he have a pulse?”

 

 “The sign said Deming, New Mexico.” He heard his friend's breathing falter a little. “I-I think he’s going to kill me, Turk. He said he's taking me back home and he keeps making calls to people I've never heard of. Turk, I don't want to die! Please help me!” His voice rose an octave as he grew closer to hysteria.

 

 “He has a pulse!” Someone shouted earnestly.

 

 “I will JD and I won't let him. We will find you first. And when we do you can say hello to-” He turned around to find Cox listening to a silent newborn’s weak heart beat as nurses fluttered about around him. “Oh god..”

 

 “What? What happened?! Did something happen?” JD’s muffled panic echo out of the speakers. "Turk?!"

 

 “It’s Sam, he-” Before he could finish a shrill cry broke out in the operation room and the nurses and doctors cheered. Cox looked over at him then, he held the crying infant gently in his arms with a sad but wistful smile. “He is perfect. Sam is healthy and loud. Can you hear him?”

 

 “Sam.” Turk could hear the smile even over the phone. When was the last time he had heard or even seen his friend truly happy? He couldn't remember. “I wish I could see him.”

 

 “I know. But you will, JD. It will be real soon. You just gotta hold on alright? Cox!” The doctor walked up to him as the rest of the team cleaned up Kim and brought over a tray from Pediatrics. “It’s JD. Can you call Officer Simmons?”

 

 “Turk-”

 

 “JD you need to call 9-11, alright? They can help you until we get there. Can you do that?”

  


 “Turk.” He heard a loud noise in the background. “He’s here.”

 

  There was the distinct sound of a door slamming and a crash. Dorian's quiet whispers turned to whimpers as Turk heard the phone fall from his hands. The surgeon's breathing stopped as he listened desperately for John. He turned on his speakerphone, and, if he strained hard enough, he could make out the faint and nearly incomprehensible sound of Dorian's voice, pleading with David; crying and begging for him to stop between slurred apologies.

 

 “JD?!” The line was silent for almost minute before he heard something shuffling on the other end. “JD, are you okay?!”

 

  “Not quite, Christopher.” Fratelli's voice was like acid in his ears. Cox himself visibly tensed up at the sound of it beside him, his arms instinctively drawing the child he held closer to him. "And I'm gonna have to hang up on you now. You see I have a lot I need to do and someone already wasted a good part of my small window of time callin' you. You understand right? And don't worry. It won't happen again. Good night."

 

  "David, don't-!" The call ended with a small beep and Turk looked at the his phone screen. 12 minutes and 37 seconds, that is all they had to go off of to save him. And that was good enough for him. "Call Simmons. I know where he is."

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
